7 Deadly Elf Sins: Lust

The 6yo gave Sporticus the Elf a cute teeny teddy bear.

Sure, it was a bribe because she had behaved in a way that she knew Santa wouldn’t quite approve of. But – other than that – it was an innocent enough gift.

The innocence didn’t last long.

Not long at all.

ElfShaming 7 Deadly Elf Sins Lust

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Elfie Thinks He’s Scarface

Wendy is very, very busy.

She has a family, responsibilities – she’s even a food blogger! It’s not like the woman can always keep her eye on her elf!

But ohhh what an elf she has.

On Thanksgiving morning as Wendy unwrapped the turkey to begin preparations for a festive feast, guess who arrived in Bad Elf fashion?

Elfie Arrives on @ElfShaming via Wendy Bentien #turkey
Did somebody say “stuffing”?

Before the kids could see anything, Wendy yanked Elfie out of his hidey-hole and begged him to be better behaved. He’s supposed to be setting a good example for the children, right?

Yet as soon as she turned her back on him, he was dipping into the booze and rubbers…as well as the Barbies.

Elfie enjoys tequila and condoms on ElfShaming via Wendy Bentien
Was it as good for you two as it was for me?

Oh, Elfie!

One can understand the little fella getting lonely after 11 months away in the clink North Pole, so Wendy tried to forgive his sexual antics. She gave him another chance.

And guess what he did with that chance?

Scarface Elfie does cocaine on @ElfShaming via Wendy Bentien
Oh no.

Blow.

Yep, Scarface Elfie was caught snorting coke with a couple of princesses, a tea kettle, a snuggly critter on Ecstasy, and a very, very paranoid Smurf.

At this point you just gotta roll with the punches, and hope next year you get a better-behaved elf.

Good luck, Wendy. I think you’re gonna need it.

Elf submitted by Wendy Bentien. Follow her on Facebook.
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She’s No Angel

Alf the Elf is a good Elf during his days at the Hatton House. He does his elfy duties with nary a smirk.

But when the sun sets and After Hours Alf comes alive…it’s a whole different story.

Once the adults of the house are asleep, Alf gets his groove on with Angel the Tree Topper.

Sure, she exudes innocence with her golden locks and blushing countenance – but don’t let that fool you. She dominates their relationship, forcing her filthy ways on the impressionable Alf. He feels dirty obeying her commands, but he likes it. He likes it A LOT.

Alf’s excuse is that their complicated relationship only lasts one month a year, so, really, how can it possibly hurt to embrace the kink while he can?

NurseMommyLaughs on ElfShaming

Elf submitted by Stacey Hatton of NurseMommyLaughs.
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“Kandy” Had Too Much Fun

Most Girls’ Night Outs just end with fond memories and inside jokes.

But not all of them.

 

What started as drinks with the girls, resulted in a major Life change that could seriously damage her chances at career advancement.

Or will it?

You be the judge. 

Read the whole sordid story here on Juicebox Confession.

Let’s just hope that “Kandy” has learned to lay off the Peppermint Schnapps.  

Elf submitted by Michelle of Juicebox Confession.
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Gertie the Elf Lowers Her Standards

Gertie is a weak Elf on the Shelf.

A well-meaning aunt brought Gertie the Elf to the Kalasunas home, thinking she would incite innocent joy to the hearts of everyone there.

Little did she know, that home was teeming with the heat of Finney the Evilly Seductive Guinea Pig. 

Santa’s orders were for Gertie to spread holiday magic.

That’s not exactly what she spread.

Mama Kalasunas heard the tell-tale 70s porno music and knew there was trouble. She searched everywhere for Gertie, but it was too late.

Finney liked it so he put his little pig in it.

Then Gertie tossed her hair like Beyonce and went back for more the next night. And the night after that. Then the night after that.

Oh, Gertie. We expected so much more out of you then to become some furry fiend’s booty call. Santa is not going to be happy when he hears about this.

Elf submitted by Amy Kalasunas, via Facebook. 
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