These Elves Made the Most of Their Last Weekend of Freedom

They knew the end was near.

The Elf End is Near on @ElfShaming

And we’re not talking about the Mayan End-of-the-World thing.

The elves knew that this was the last weekend before Christmas. So they did what they do best.

GOT COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL.

Wayne & Billy went to a cabin in Big Bear with their cousins, partying hard with Barbie and one of those whorish Monster High Dolls.

Elves submitted by Val Perez.
Elves submitted by Val Perez.

But he wasn’t the only one into drugs and booze…

Elf submitted by Melinda F.
Elf submitted by Melinda F.

Blink the Elf surrounded himself with all the Holiday Ladies of the house, talking them into a one-man “celebration.”

Elf submitted by Ryann Cox.
Elf submitted by Ryann Cox.

Henry refused to leave the bar even ONCE to check on the kids.

Elf submitted by Dani Christiano.
Elf submitted by Dani Christiano.

Bob tried to get himself kicked out of the North Pole.

Elf submitted by Jodi.
Elf submitted by Jodi via Facebook.

This guy became a Chippendales dancer.

Elf submitted by Rebecca W via Facebook.
Elf submitted by Rebecca W via Facebook.

Some cracked open their owners’ copy of Fifty Shades of Grey and put it to the test.

Elf submitted by SAHM I Am. Cocktail I Want. via Facebook.
Elf submitted by SAHM I Am. Cocktail I Want. via Facebook.
Gordon the Elf submitted by Jenn.
Gordon the Elf submitted by Jenn.

 There’s many, many, MANNNNNNY more where that came from. 

But at this point? I’m getting downright disgusted at all this debauchery.

Damn elves.

Elf submitted via email & Facebook.
Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

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An Elf Bedtime Story

Pay close attention when your Elf is doing something “Nice.”

#ElfOnTheShelf Bedtime Stories on @ElfShaming

It may not be very appropriate…but at least it could be a sign of a pretty awesome sense of humor.

Go the F to Sleep on @ElfShaming PassionateNotPushy

I can’t blame Jenny from not interrupting the scene she recently came upon, starring her Elf, Skully, and her son.

When you have a 3-year-old who is a crappy sleeper, you’ll take what nighttime assistance (and laughs) you can.

Elf submitted by Jenny of Passionate Not Pushy.
Order the book Go the F**k to Sleep HERE.
Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

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You Won’t Believe Where Dickie Doo Has Been

Dickie Doo takes celebrating a bit too far.

PurplePinkie on @ElfShaming #ElfontheShelf

Rhonda and the ladies from The Purple Pinkie Salon were in a festive mood. It was time for their annual Christmas party!

They bid farewell to the salon’s Elf, Dickie Doo, hopped into the car, and headed out for a night of merriment.

Then things took a bit of a turn, to say the least.

Someone snuck a ride.

Shouldn't he be in a really REALLY small carseat?
Shouldn’t he be in a really REALLY small carseat?

When the giggling gang got to the hotel, they thought it would be fine to just leave Dickie Doo in the room.

Then they changed their minds.

Ooooohhhh...big screeeeen...
Ooooohhhh…big screeeeen…

With a resigned sigh, Rhonda popped him in her purse, told him to behave, and went to the bar to toast the holidays with friends and co-workers.

Dickie Doo was quick to get in on the action.

Hey! Quick hoggin' the cabernet, DD!
Hey! Quick hoggin’ the cabernet, DD!

Dickie Doo’s serving size was WAY bigger than it should have been, so the night quickly got out of control.

Case in point: within fifteen minutes of his first drink, Dickie Doo got stuck in the cleavage of Miss Full Figure Drag Queen USA, who suddenly had a fist full of singles.

*mumblemumblemumble!*
*mumblemumblemumble!*

One of Rhonda’s friends was able to pry Dickie Doo out and the ladies dragged him back to the hotel room. Enough is enough, Dickie!

They made him Pinky Swear to be on good behavior for the rest of the night, locked the Adult Access channels on the TV, and went back out without him.

It is unclear what happened after that, but there was a little security footage…

Peek-a-Boo!
Peek-a-Boo!

…and then…

Must! Not! Leave! Evidence!
Must! Not! Leave! Evidence!

Rhonda was charged for six busted hotel security cameras on her floor, in the elevator and by the rear hotel exit, but Dickie Doo didn’t show back up until the following week, so she’s not sure where he went, what he did, or how he got back home.

And Dickie Doo sure as heck ain’t talkin’.

Next year? There will be a mandatory handbag and car search before Rhonda and the Purple Pinkie crew head out for their holiday celebration. You can bet your bottom (crumbled, sweaty) dollar on that.

Elf submitted by Rhonda from The Purple Pinkie.
See more of Rhonda’s crazy elf Dickie Doo on Facebook.
Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

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This Elf’s Name Tells All

Jumbo hates to waste his gift.

I mean, his name IS “Jumbo.” Soooo….I guess it would be unfortunate if he kept his finest quality to himself.

It’s just that, well, his host mom, Shawn, isn’t a big fan of walking in on his gift in action.

Long, strong, flexible, AND hung like a reindeer: Impressive.

Yet…

Constantly persuading the nutcrackers to service him: Shameful.

(Errr…I think…?) 

Elf submitted by Shawn of Shawnisms.
Follow Shawn on Facebook.
Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

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“Kandy” Had Too Much Fun

Most Girls’ Night Outs just end with fond memories and inside jokes.

But not all of them.

 

What started as drinks with the girls, resulted in a major Life change that could seriously damage her chances at career advancement.

Or will it?

You be the judge. 

Read the whole sordid story here on Juicebox Confession.

Let’s just hope that “Kandy” has learned to lay off the Peppermint Schnapps.  

Elf submitted by Michelle of Juicebox Confession.
Follow Michelle on Facebook & Twitter.

Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

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