He Should Have Asked Permission

There are many, many (HOLY COW SO MANY) movie scenes in existence that are dark, disturbing, and unbelievably violent.

But, honestly, is anything more cruel than telling someone you’re going to don an imaginary straw from across the room to consume their delicious, frosty treat?

I SAY NOPE.

Elf on the Shelf There Will Be Blood on ElfShaming by Kim Bongiorno

 

(Cue the creepy, sadistic, dark, finger-pointing psychological terror.)

Elf on the Shelf I Drink Your Milkshake from There Will Be Blood on ElfShaming by Kim Bongiorno

Milkshakes are not to be messed with, sir. That’s just downright naughty.

Speaking of naughty elves, many a moon ago I was at the theater to see There Will Be Blood with a friend. At one point something caught our eye: there was a middle-aged couple totally making out a few rows ahead of us. I guess dark psychological films about terrible human beings are a turn-on to come folk?

I wonder whether they made The Naughty List that year. Hm.

I’m gonna go with “probably.”

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The Kind of Shining You ABSOLUTELY Do Not Want on Your Tree

It’s a good thing we’re getting some time off for the holidays, because all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

And by that I mean OMG LOOK OUT HE HAS AN AXE!

Elf on the Shelf The Shining on ElfShaming by Kim Bongiorno

The funny thing is that this doesn’t look too scary if you haven’t seen the movie. But if you have seen it? I’m truly sorry for making you piddle your pants and fear your upcoming hotel stay.

Then again, maybe playtime isn’t always as fun as it could be?

The Shining Twins on ElfShaming

Have any other favorite scenes from The Shining? Send them my way. I love them all in the “I will never sleep again” sort of way.

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Peeping Elf

Here’s the thing about elves: they look like innocent felty folk who just want to steal candy canes and bags of mini marshmallows for adorable games of holiday hockey with passing chickadees and chipmunks.

I mean, yeah, of course they love doing that. Who wouldn’t?

But there are other things they love to do.

Other more…sordid things.

And if they can’t do them?

They watch.

Peeping Elf by MomComs on ElfShaming

Another glorious daytime date ruined by a peeping elf.

The pervs.

The irony here is that this elf’s name is Diamond Snowfake. You’d think with a moniker like that he’d be a wee bit more original and classy than this, BUT NO.

(Am I the only one glad we can’t see what he’s doing with his hands?)

Elf photo submitted by Jennifer Scharf of MomComs. Follow her on Twitter.

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‘Twas the Night of Thanksgiving: The Elf Poem

There is a reason all that tryptophan from the Thanksgiving turkey doesn’t make us parents quite as drowsy as everyone else in the house.

We know what’s about to go down. And it is glorious.



Twas the Night of Thanksgiving 2014 ElfShaming  Elf on the Shelf

Ready to start playing with your elves? We’d love to feature them here on ElfShaming! Here’s how to submit your photos.

Need some inspiration? Here are 106 Elf on the Shelf Ideas to get you started.

Need an elf? Try some of these elves and elf alternatives:*

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We Are Ready for Your Naughty Elves

Do you want your elf to be featured on ElfShaming?

We’re already accepting pictures of elves (and elf-alternatives like Hanukkah Helpers, Mensch on a Bench, Maccabee on the Mantle, trolls, gnomes, squirrel statues in festive hats, homemade elves, and the like) being naughty! We’ll take antics from G-rated silliness to R-rated shenanigans. Anything goes in this neck of the North Pole!

Check out how easy it is to submit a photo of your elf’s antics.

ElfShaming wants to feature your naughty elves!

Want a real challenge? This year’s special series (in addition to the regular photos) is “ElfShaming Hollywood.” We’ll be recreating some of our favorite movie scenes (not just holiday movies–ANY movie) because we are slightly insane. Want in? Simply email ElfShaming@Gmail.com with the movie and scene you’l like to do, and we’ll add you to the calendar.

Need some inspiration? Here are some fan favorites:

You can also read our list of 106 Elf on the Shelf Ideas.

Need an elf or the like for your shelf? Order one here:*

We look forward to seeing what your little spies are up to this year!

Make sure to follow along on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and my weekly newsletter so you don’t miss a thing!

*This is an affiliate link. If you order something from it I will earn a small percentage.

Mistletoe Takes Revenge

Anne thought it would be nice to start a new tradition with her two young boys, so she decided to introduce an Elf into the holiday season.

Being that she loves all things vintage – and it is, in fact, her job to find beautiful old things with charm and style – she went with an old school wooden ornament Elf.

How quaint!

Mistletoe the Elf delighted her children, and left notes for them each day. She was even a little lenient on the “no touching the Elf” rule when her boys wanted to take Mistletoe on a short joy ride around the kitchen on one of their toy trucks.

The following day, Mistletoe’s note mentioned that he enjoyed his ride on the truck. Next thing you know, BOOM.

Mistletoe the Elf leaves a note on ElfShaming

One of her sons takes Mistletoe on another joy ride, and it doesn’t end well at all.

REENACTMENT:

Mistletoe Loses an Arm on ElfShaming

Anne jumped right in, rigging a sling for Mistletoe’s now-amputated arm until the boys went to school. Then she fixed him as quickly as she could with hot glue and a prayer.

Mistletoe the Elf on ElfShaming via SplendidJunk

This time, Mistletoe’s note had a P.S. on the back of it, requesting the play time be slightly less dangerous.

But that wasn’t enough. Oh, no.

Mistletoe waited until the family was fast asleep, slipped into Anne’s very special cabinet full of delicate vintage items she had carefully curated from estate sales and cleaned up into near-perfect condition, and with his newly refurbished arm BUSTED. IT. UP. YO.

Mistletoe Takes Revenge on ElfShaming

I guess it’s true what they say: revenge is a dish best served…broken.

Today’s Elf is from Anne of Splendid Junk Vintage
Follow her on Facebook & Etsy.
Want to submit an Elf? Email ElfShaming@Gmail.com.

Insane in the Elf Brain

Everyone hopes they’ll get The Best Elf Ever each holiday season.

Maybe one with a sweet face and festive, jingly outfit!!!

What’s important to understand is that yes, elves come in all shapes, sizes, and colors…but it doesn’t matter what they look like – or how adorably innocent they appear to be. 

They will always get into trouble.

Insane, but true, facts about elves: 

1. They will always raid the candy and snack cabinet.

Patti InsaneInTheMomBrain Elf got the Candy on ElfShaming

2. They will always try to swim in your marshmallows.

Patti InsaneInTheMomBrain Elf swims in marshmallows on ElfShaming

3. They will always find their way into your liquor cabinet (and sombrero wall hangings).

Patti InsaneInTheMomBrain Elf got into the booze on ElfShaming

4. They will always read your porn on the potty (and probably not flush afterwards).

Patti InsaneInTheMomBrain Elf reads porn on the potty on ElfShaming

5. They will always twerk The Biebs, if given the opportunity. 

Patti InsaneInTheMomBrain Elf twerks Justin Bieber on ElfShaming


So, really: TRUST NONE OF THEM.

Even “The Best Elf Ever” is insane in the elf brain. They just can’t help themselves.

(And you should probably lock up your Biebster at least ’til the New Year.)

Today’s Elf is Patti of Insane in the Mom Brain. She likes to raise money for good causes, like kids with cancer. You can help her do just that right here. I already did!
Follow Patti on her blog and Facebook.
Want to submit an elf? Email it to ElfShaming@Gmail.com

Dobbie’s Back – and He’s Crafting!

Dobbie the Elf is Back on ElfShaming

Dobbie is one of the most (in)famous elves on the internet.

Many call him an inappropriate Elf on the Shelf.

He’s perfectly fine with that.

He happens to live with an artsy crafty family, and took it upon himself to join in on the family fun. You know, help decorate the house. Make it look more festive.

Snowflakes are a lovely addition to any home’s decor. There’s no way a project like this could go wrong. Unless…

Dobbie making snowflakes Elf on the Shelf Idea TheBeardedIris on ElfShaming

Oh, Dobbie. Not again.

Elf submitted by The Bearded Iris. Find it on the Baby Rabies #InappropriateElf contest, as well!

7 Deady Elf Sins: Gluttony

From every Elf on the Shelf Pinterest board I’ve seen, it appeared that elves live on itty bitty elf donuts (with sprinkles) and the occasional marshmallow.

It didn’t take long for me to realize that I had been misled by Pinterest, yet again.

Yes, they enjoy sweets.

But they also enjoy the lamb chops I was saving for my husband, my kids’ favorite angus beef meatballs, and pinot noir…in very large quantities.

Who knew something so small – whose job it is to sit around all day watching kids – had such a massive appetite??

Back to the grocery store I go…

Elf on the Shelf 7 Deadly Elf Sins on ElfShaming

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Want to submit an elf of your own? 

Photograph your elf doing any of the 7 Sins and post it directly to the ElfShaming Facebook Page. The favorites will be featured right here on ElfShaming.

The Gluten-Free Elf on the Shelf

Your Elf on the Shelf was sent to you by Santa to help remind the kids that he is watching.

These elves have a simple task: keep an eye on things, take notes, magically return to the North Pole each night, give a detailed and honest report to the thick guy in red velvet, and go back to his/her perch for another day of voyeurism. 

Did you notice the use of the phrase “detailed and honest report” in there?

Many elves pride themselves on their honesty and detail.

Others have an intolerance to gluten and are willing to overlook all sorts of Naughty List Behavior in exchange for some delicious gluten-free cookies and milk.

One such elf is Cocoa.

All it takes is a gluten-free bribe and Cocoa is willing to look the other way.

Gluten Free Elf on the Shelf on ElfShaming

You’re only letting yourself down, Cocoa.

Well, yourself and Santa Claus. 

For a cookie.

*sigh*

Elf submitted by Courtney of Our Small Moments.
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Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Email ElfShaming@Gmail.com.