Peeping Elf

Here’s the thing about elves: they look like innocent felty folk who just want to steal candy canes and bags of mini marshmallows for adorable games of holiday hockey with passing chickadees and chipmunks.

I mean, yeah, of course they love doing that. Who wouldn’t?

But there are other things they love to do.

Other more…sordid things.

And if they can’t do them?

They watch.

Peeping Elf by MomComs on ElfShaming

Another glorious daytime date ruined by a peeping elf.

The pervs.

The irony here is that this elf’s name is Diamond Snowfake. You’d think with a moniker like that he’d be a wee bit more original and classy than this, BUT NO.

(Am I the only one glad we can’t see what he’s doing with his hands?)

Elf photo submitted by Jennifer Scharf of MomComs. Follow her on Twitter.

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We Are Ready for Your Naughty Elves

Do you want your elf to be featured on ElfShaming?

We’re already accepting pictures of elves (and elf-alternatives like Hanukkah Helpers, Mensch on a Bench, Maccabee on the Mantle, trolls, gnomes, squirrel statues in festive hats, homemade elves, and the like) being naughty! We’ll take antics from G-rated silliness to R-rated shenanigans. Anything goes in this neck of the North Pole!

Check out how easy it is to submit a photo of your elf’s antics.

ElfShaming wants to feature your naughty elves!

Want a real challenge? This year’s special series (in addition to the regular photos) is “ElfShaming Hollywood.” We’ll be recreating some of our favorite movie scenes (not just holiday movies–ANY movie) because we are slightly insane. Want in? Simply email ElfShaming@Gmail.com with the movie and scene you’l like to do, and we’ll add you to the calendar.

Need some inspiration? Here are some fan favorites:

You can also read our list of 106 Elf on the Shelf Ideas.

Need an elf or the like for your shelf? Order one here:*

We look forward to seeing what your little spies are up to this year!

Make sure to follow along on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and my weekly newsletter so you don’t miss a thing!

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Chucky’s Favorite Things

Chucky the Elf likes lots of things.

Some of the things he likes are a little rebellious.

Ohhhh….Chucky….

Others result in a behavior that is a bit more depraved.

Thank goodness he’s in a one-piece suit that zips in the back.

Having a seasonal preference isn’t something to be that ashamed of, but springing fresh wood each time an innocent mom strolls by definitely is. 

Let’s hope Chucky is able to keep his love at a distance this holiday season.

And by “love” I mean “rock hard elfish wiener”.

Elf submitted by Anna of MyLifeAndKids.com
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Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

An International Agreement

New Zealand will never be the same.

You see, there is no such thing as The Elf on the Shelf in New Zealand. 

But Mummy is an international gal, so she asked Santa to send someone to her house. She couldn’t be the only one of her blog friends to be Elf-less!

Alas, Ken arrived to do the job in his smart khakis and glorious smile.

It didn’t take long for Mummy and her kids to realize that Ken had issues.

Confidence issues.

Ken never thought he’d be as pretty as a real Elf, so at night he’d sneak into the lacey bits and bobs in Mummy’s underwear drawer or dig into the dollhouse for a little dress-up.

Ken had always wanted to be a redhead.

At first Mummy and clan were horrified…until they realized that they could blackmail Ken into sending only “Nice” reports back to the big guy in the red suit each evening.

Sure, Mummy’s undies now smell of self-tanner and lost dreams, but it’s a small price to pay for a month’s worth of good reports and a tree bursting with gifts on Christmas morning.

Elf submitted by Wub Boo Mummy
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Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

Never Trust Bored Elves

Some elves don’t understand that trust must be earned.

Domestic Goddess is a lovely and giving person.

All she asked of her Elves was for them to wait patiently in the playroom until it was their time to come out for the holidays.

She trusted them.

*SIGH*

It didn’t go well. Click here to see how her (untrustworthy) Elves spent their leisure time.

I don’t mean to give away any spoilers, but it decidedly does not include doing charitable work or expanding their minds by reading classic literature.

Looks like someone’s going to end up being stored in a locked box after the holidays next time around…

Elf submitted by Underachiever’s Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess
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Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

Witness Protection Program for Elves

[Name Witheld] Has Some ‘Splaining to Do.

“I’ve done so many shameful things, I’ve had plastic surgery and entered the Witness Protection Program to hide from my shame.”

When I receive a photo of an Elf who has had to go so far underground that I’m not even allowed to know his (her?) name, I shudder to think about what he’s (she’s?) done.

Usually when people try to start anew, they dye their hair and get a nose job. This fella (lady??) seems to have completely changed species. That can’t be good.

Not only is it not good, I can’t even tell what this critter is supposed to be now. A Wookie of the North Pole? A Scottish Moose? Bullwinkle’s Excessively Hirsute Cousin?

Let’s agree that sometimes it’s better not to know the finer details of what an Elf is ashamed of doing, then move quickly away, to avoid being associated with such an unscrupulous character. 

Elf submitted by The Suniverse
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Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

Elfy Kept His Eyes Open

Elfy couldn’t help himself.

Eyes. Wide. OPEN.

Happy little Elfy was perched on JD’s bedroom dresser so she wouldn’t forget to get him ready for the holidays.

But she did forget.

Then she got busy. Busy busy, ifyouknowwhatImean.

Being that Elfy’s eyes are permanently fixed wide, wide open, he couldn’t help but witness a bit of human carnal action right there in front of him. He had no choice!

As for the thrilled grin on his face? That’s alllllll Elfy. Naughty boy.

Elf submitted by JD of Honest Mom
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Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

An Unreliable Elf

Shhhhhhhhh…..

Tsk tsk tsk…

If you are an Elf assigned to the Naps Happen household, you can’t help but assume you’ve got one sweet gig.

All the kids there do is nap, right?

Wrong.

Sure, they needed a quick snooze after trying desperately to decide a name for the Elf. The kids managed to squeeze out a few gems, such as “Elf” and “Gingerbread Elf” before going with “He Who Should Not Be Named” and crawling into a headstand for some slumber.

When He Who Should Not Be Named witnessed the dozing duo that first day, he figured he could do pretty much whatever he wanted. He nipped a bit of egg nog, watched some HGTV, and turned his back on the angelic boys for a nap of his own. 

Pretty soon, the golden-haired cherubs were wide awake, tossing Legos like confetti, painting the walls with Nutella, and rearranging furniture while He Who Should Not Be named missed each opportunity for accuracy in his report to Santa. Elfy reinforcements had to be called in, spilling magic dust all over an already messy living room.

Looks like someone is at risk of getting his first pink slip, and it isn’t even December yet!

Elf submitted by Alicia of Naps Happen
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Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

Johnny is a Bad Apple

Johnny is a complicated Elf.

A man of many tastes.

Some Elves quietly relax while in storage, catching up on rest for 11 months before the hectic 4 weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas arrives. Sleeping, reading, rearranging his quarters in a green and red Rubbermaid bin…this is what Johnny should have been up to.

Not this guy. He’s a frisky one.

One may be tempted to cast judgement and say he was probably sewn naughty.

I tend to think that he was walking a righteous path up until his Naming Day. That was was this Nameless Elf was given the same moniker as a man who brought roadkill to his son’s Preschool pick-up, thinking the wee ones would enjoy the sight of flattened critter carcasses.

When someone’s named after the kind of bad-ass who travels with roadkill, you gotta expect him to experiment sexually and mingle with unsavory characters.

It’s like being bad was his destiny, and he’s just living up to the expectations. How can we possibly blame him for that?

Elf submitted by Allison of MotherhoodWTF?
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Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

Topher Takes the Blame

Topher the Elf’s got a sweet tooth.

I guess if you’re gonna steal someone’s ice cream, Ben & Jerry’s is a good place to start.

I can imagine the scene where Husband is rummaging through the freezer for his pint of Americone Dream, casting blame upon his innocent wife as she’s rounding up her overtired offspring before bed, covered in crumbs and sweat. That girl is too busy to be sneaky. Doesn’t her betrothed know this by now?

Also, if Topher the Elf was simply in need of a dairy fix, he could have just checked Stephanie’s underwear drawer in the bedroom. According to her son, that’s where she keeps delicious things, like cheese.

Then again, we wouldn’t want to encourage any kind of theft now, would we…Topher?

Elf submitted by Stephanie of Binkies and Briefcases
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Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.