7 Deadly Elf Sins: Lust

The 6yo gave Sporticus the Elf a cute teeny teddy bear.

Sure, it was a bribe because she had behaved in a way that she knew Santa wouldn’t quite approve of. But – other than that – it was an innocent enough gift.

The innocence didn’t last long.

Not long at all.

ElfShaming 7 Deadly Elf Sins Lust

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These Elves Made the Most of Their Last Weekend of Freedom

They knew the end was near.

The Elf End is Near on @ElfShaming

And we’re not talking about the Mayan End-of-the-World thing.

The elves knew that this was the last weekend before Christmas. So they did what they do best.

GOT COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL.

Wayne & Billy went to a cabin in Big Bear with their cousins, partying hard with Barbie and one of those whorish Monster High Dolls.

Elves submitted by Val Perez.
Elves submitted by Val Perez.

But he wasn’t the only one into drugs and booze…

Elf submitted by Melinda F.
Elf submitted by Melinda F.

Blink the Elf surrounded himself with all the Holiday Ladies of the house, talking them into a one-man “celebration.”

Elf submitted by Ryann Cox.
Elf submitted by Ryann Cox.

Henry refused to leave the bar even ONCE to check on the kids.

Elf submitted by Dani Christiano.
Elf submitted by Dani Christiano.

Bob tried to get himself kicked out of the North Pole.

Elf submitted by Jodi.
Elf submitted by Jodi via Facebook.

This guy became a Chippendales dancer.

Elf submitted by Rebecca W via Facebook.
Elf submitted by Rebecca W via Facebook.

Some cracked open their owners’ copy of Fifty Shades of Grey and put it to the test.

Elf submitted by SAHM I Am. Cocktail I Want. via Facebook.
Elf submitted by SAHM I Am. Cocktail I Want. via Facebook.
Gordon the Elf submitted by Jenn.
Gordon the Elf submitted by Jenn.

 There’s many, many, MANNNNNNY more where that came from. 

But at this point? I’m getting downright disgusted at all this debauchery.

Damn elves.

Elf submitted via email & Facebook.
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Three Strikes & You’re Out, Scout!

Scout doesn’t follow the rules. 

Elf Arrested on @ElfShaming by Rachel B

He was told there was to be no writing on the walls.

He didn’t listen.

Elf Graffiti on @ElfShaming by Rachel B

He was told there was to be no stealing nail polish, and definitely no painting people’s toenails as they slept. Especially boys.

He didn’t listen.

Elf Pedicure on @ElfShaming by Rachel B

When he was told no ice sculptures in the freezer, he didn’t listen, and so qualified for the Three Strikes Rule. Which, of course, landed him in lock-up.

Elf MugShot on @ElfShaming by RachelB

I doubt Santa will send Scout out again next year, considering he now has a rap sheet.

Way to ruin a perfectly good Elfing career, Scout.

Elf submitted by Rachel B of Roscoe, IL.
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This Elf on the Shelf is Annoying

Skippy’s smile doesn’t hide a damn thing.

@turbokicknj on @elfshaming #elfontheshelf

Mary Ann’s Elf on the Shelf, Skippy, is annoying. Plain and simple.

Does he encourage the kids to clean up? Not at all. In fact, he encourages them to throw expensive 2-ply TP all over the house!

@turbokicknj on @elfshaming Toilet Paper

Does he help with the decorating? Not a chance. He’s too busy hiding the stockings and replacing them with underpants to assist in hanging the lights on the tree!

@turbokicknj on @elfshaming Skippy Underwear

Is he a good role model? Are you kiddin’ me? He doesn’t exercise, he eats marshmallow kebabs for breakfast!

@turbokicknj on @elfshaming marshmallows

Does he make her morning easier? No way, no how, no sir. Unless you think packing the kids’ lunch boxes with dog food, raw unwashed potatos, and jars of coriander trims tasks off Mary Ann’s To Do List!

@turbokicknj on @elfshaming

At least Skippy’s visit will be over soon. Just not soon enough. 

Elf submitted by Mary Ann of TurboKickNJ.com.
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Hermie & the Ariel Twins

Hermie thought he was the luckiest Elf in the world.

Twins!

He talked Ariel and Ariel into meeting him in the tub, slipped between them, and gave the girls his signature suggestive-eyebrow-wiggle.

ChristyP on @ElfShaming #ElfOnTheShelf

Hermie: So…what do you say I turn off the jacuzzi and let you ladies have your way with me?

Ariel One: This isn’t a jacuzzi. We had huge black bean & onion burritos for dinner.

Ariel Two: PBBBBBLLT!!! ‘Scuse me, I tooted. Again. Tee hee hee! Bubbles!

Moment? OVER. 

And that’s what you get when you try to trick a pair of innocent princesses into some naughty shenanigans, Mister Hermie. That’s. What. You. Get.

Elf submitted by Christy P.
Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

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