Be Thankful That Your Elf on the Shelf…

Today is a day to be thankful.

Thankful your Elf on the Shelf didn’t steal the remote and delete all of your DVR settings, only to replace them with 200 hours of Will Farrell in Elf.

Who needs football and parades, when there’s movies on about my kinfolk?

Thankful your Elf on the Shelf hasn’t eaten all the Stove Top Stuffing, forcing you to borrow stale bread from the neighbors to make 3 batches from scratch the morning of Thanksgiving.

Carbo-loaded and drunk on organic chicken stock. What an embarrassment.

Thankful your Elf on the Shelf didn’t introduce himself to your Peaceful Pilgrim & nice Native American friend, only to seduce them into a menage a trois.

It’s fine that you all are getting along nicely…just not THAT nicely.

Photo submitted by EvilJoySpeaks, also on Facebook & Twitter.

Thankful your elf wasn’t overheard offering the Christmas decorations $10 in chocolate coins for a BJ, only to get threatened with cracked nuts. 

Well, at least he’s only mounting a star, and not an angel. That’s…something, right?

Finally, let’s be thankful that many of you don’t have the kind of elf that poops in your cereal, or if you do have a bad elf, that you a place to shame him or her here at ElfShaming.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

That’s NOT the Bathroom

I’m feeling a bit queasy this morning.

All I wanted was my usual bowl of Raisin Bran for breakfast. 

I sleepily stumbled into the kitchen, swung open the cabinet and found Sporticus the Elf reading the paper and using my box of cereal for…. *barfs in mouth*

Was I chewing Raisins or Elf Poo all week? I’ll never know.

What I do know, is that the child locks have been reinstalled on all cabinets, and I no longer eat my favorite kind of cereal.

Breakfast? Ruined.

Elf submitted by Kim of LetMeStartBySayingBlog.com
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Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

4 Simple Ways to Get Your Elf on the Shelf Featured

The elves are coming!

The elves are coming!

From now through Christmas, Elf on the Shelf excitement is going to explode.

While you’re resting after a long day of buying mini marshmallows and researching how to get your Elf’s arms to bend at will, take a moment to learn how your Elf on the Shelf can be featured here on ElfShaming for his naughty behavior.

1. Send in a photo with evidence of your silly little Elf gone rogue.

I can SEE you hiding in the cabinet, Mister! Would you please stop wasting all our two-ply quilted toilet paper??

2. Send in a photo of your very naughty elf caught in the act.

Buddy! Princess Aurora! You two stop that right this instant!

3. Send in a photo of your elf with a Shaming sign, confessing his sins.

Why must they always doodle with permanent markers, when we have 200 washable markers in the house??

4. Send in a link to a blog post you have already written about your Elf’s antics.

Like this one I did last year. 

From LetMeStartBySayingBlog.com

Whether your Elf is a little bit messy or should be imprisoned for his diabolical acts, whether he is a traditional Elf on the Shelf or another kind of winter season critter that keeps its eyes on the kids, they are all welcome here.

Send your photos to ElfShaming@Gmail.com today. If it is accepted, you’ll be contacted for more details so I can write up his/her story. Confession. Whatever. 

I look forward to seeing your misbehaving Elves...I think.

One Elf’s Hard Times

Ohhhh Johnny, Johnny, Johnny…

At least you know when you’ve done wrong.

 

His story is a sad one that has the feel of a Charles Dickens tale mixed with grain alcohol and lace panties.

Johnny hated his job. He was caught under the influence one too many times. He fell on hard times, which did nothing to curtail his drinking. 

He did some things he shouldn’t have.

He got caught. There was a BIG scene. His wife found out.

Barbie tossed his ass out of the Dream House. His clothes, his fancy hats, his pride…everything was scattered on the front lawn.

He drank more. He wore her clothes, which he stole from the house when she was out grocery shopping one afternoon. He rarely showed up for work.

Johnny’s days were spent drinking. His nights were spent puking.
This was not the life Santa had hoped for him.

One morning he woke up in Barbie’s satin spangled house frock, reeking of rum and regret, and realized that it was up to him to make his life worth living again. It didn’t take magic to make him a Good Elf, it took courage.

He threw out all the spiked eggnog he had left in his rental apartment, and headed back home to his love, ready to reenact her favorite John Cusak movie scene in an attempt to win her back.

 Will Johnny keep up the cleaned-up act? Will Barbie forgive his drunken, philandering ways? 

Only time will tell. 

Elf submitted by Kate Horey of ThePushUpBlog

Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

Chucky’s Favorite Things

Chucky the Elf likes lots of things.

Some of the things he likes are a little rebellious.

Ohhhh….Chucky….

Others result in a behavior that is a bit more depraved.

Thank goodness he’s in a one-piece suit that zips in the back.

Having a seasonal preference isn’t something to be that ashamed of, but springing fresh wood each time an innocent mom strolls by definitely is. 

Let’s hope Chucky is able to keep his love at a distance this holiday season.

And by “love” I mean “rock hard elfish wiener”.

Elf submitted by Anna of MyLifeAndKids.com
Follow Anna on Facebook & Twitter.
Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

An International Agreement

New Zealand will never be the same.

You see, there is no such thing as The Elf on the Shelf in New Zealand. 

But Mummy is an international gal, so she asked Santa to send someone to her house. She couldn’t be the only one of her blog friends to be Elf-less!

Alas, Ken arrived to do the job in his smart khakis and glorious smile.

It didn’t take long for Mummy and her kids to realize that Ken had issues.

Confidence issues.

Ken never thought he’d be as pretty as a real Elf, so at night he’d sneak into the lacey bits and bobs in Mummy’s underwear drawer or dig into the dollhouse for a little dress-up.

Ken had always wanted to be a redhead.

At first Mummy and clan were horrified…until they realized that they could blackmail Ken into sending only “Nice” reports back to the big guy in the red suit each evening.

Sure, Mummy’s undies now smell of self-tanner and lost dreams, but it’s a small price to pay for a month’s worth of good reports and a tree bursting with gifts on Christmas morning.

Elf submitted by Wub Boo Mummy
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Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

Ladies & Gentlemen, Start Your Inappropriateness on Baby Rabies

For an Elf to be shamed, he has to get up to some sort of trouble…right?

Well, my friends, the trouble is about to begin.

Grab your Elf on the Shelf, Troll with a Santa Hat On, “Elf”, Hanukkah Helper, Red-Loving Ken doll or whathaveyou and head on over to Baby Rabies’ 2012 Inappropriate Elf Contest!

From the BabyRabies.com 2012 Inappropriate Elf Contest Announcement post, used with permission. Because *I’M* not the one being inappropriate, here.

Last Year’s Inappropriate Elf Contest made me do the Oh My God That Elf is Doing…WHAT, Exactly?? laugh, and I can’t wait to see what all you crazies creative folks come up with this time around.

The contest is kicking off soon, so get on over to Baby Rabies to see the rules, AWESOME prizes, and get in on all the inappropriate fun. We’ll see you there!

Never Trust Bored Elves

Some elves don’t understand that trust must be earned.

Domestic Goddess is a lovely and giving person.

All she asked of her Elves was for them to wait patiently in the playroom until it was their time to come out for the holidays.

She trusted them.

*SIGH*

It didn’t go well. Click here to see how her (untrustworthy) Elves spent their leisure time.

I don’t mean to give away any spoilers, but it decidedly does not include doing charitable work or expanding their minds by reading classic literature.

Looks like someone’s going to end up being stored in a locked box after the holidays next time around…

Elf submitted by Underachiever’s Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess
Follow Domestic Goddess on Facebook & Twitter.
Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

Witness Protection Program for Elves

[Name Witheld] Has Some ‘Splaining to Do.

“I’ve done so many shameful things, I’ve had plastic surgery and entered the Witness Protection Program to hide from my shame.”

When I receive a photo of an Elf who has had to go so far underground that I’m not even allowed to know his (her?) name, I shudder to think about what he’s (she’s?) done.

Usually when people try to start anew, they dye their hair and get a nose job. This fella (lady??) seems to have completely changed species. That can’t be good.

Not only is it not good, I can’t even tell what this critter is supposed to be now. A Wookie of the North Pole? A Scottish Moose? Bullwinkle’s Excessively Hirsute Cousin?

Let’s agree that sometimes it’s better not to know the finer details of what an Elf is ashamed of doing, then move quickly away, to avoid being associated with such an unscrupulous character. 

Elf submitted by The Suniverse
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Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.