He Should Have Asked Permission

There are many, many (HOLY COW SO MANY) movie scenes in existence that are dark, disturbing, and unbelievably violent.

But, honestly, is anything more cruel than telling someone you’re going to don an imaginary straw from across the room to consume their delicious, frosty treat?

I SAY NOPE.

Elf on the Shelf There Will Be Blood on ElfShaming by Kim Bongiorno

 

(Cue the creepy, sadistic, dark, finger-pointing psychological terror.)

Elf on the Shelf I Drink Your Milkshake from There Will Be Blood on ElfShaming by Kim Bongiorno

Milkshakes are not to be messed with, sir. That’s just downright naughty.

Speaking of naughty elves, many a moon ago I was at the theater to see There Will Be Blood with a friend. At one point something caught our eye: there was a middle-aged couple totally making out a few rows ahead of us. I guess dark psychological films about terrible human beings are a turn-on to come folk?

I wonder whether they made The Naughty List that year. Hm.

I’m gonna go with “probably.”

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Why You Should Not Upset Your Elf

As much as you might resent having to remember every night to move your elf.

As tempting as it is to talk trash about your elf with friends.

As delicious it would taste to chuck that thing in the bin while enjoying a nice glass of chianti.

Please be careful not to piss it off too much.

Elf on the Shelf The Godfather on ElfShaming by Kim Bongiorno

These things are serious when it comes to sending a message.

Heck, it doesn’t even matter who did the pissing-off. Elves aren’t above using their own kind to make a point.

Elf on the Shelf The Godfather Horse Head Scene on ElfShaming by Kim Bongiorno

Trust me: this is not something you want to wake up to.

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Let Me Take an #Elfie Video Because of Course

Seems some elves just can’t stay away from their camera apps these days.

(NOT THAT I’M COMPLAINING.)

And now it seems they even have their own theme song!

Which obviously means they have their own music video.

Obviously.

Check it out:

From the creators of the video: Inspired by the Elf on the Shelf parenting craze, #ELFIE is a parody video of the Chainsmoker’s hit #SELFIE prepared to take social media by storm this holiday season. While on duty, #ELFIE is the family-friendly model of good behavior that Santa would hope for in a helper, but once the children drift off into dreamland, he parties like it’s December 26th. From visits to Las Vegas to photos with celebrity friends, he has the kind of fun you’ll have to see to believe.

Facebook: Christmas Elfie
Twitter: @theselfieelfie
Instagram: @theselfieelfie

Enjoy humming this tune for the rest of the day! YOU’RE WELCOME.

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The Kind of Shining You ABSOLUTELY Do Not Want on Your Tree

It’s a good thing we’re getting some time off for the holidays, because all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

And by that I mean OMG LOOK OUT HE HAS AN AXE!

Elf on the Shelf The Shining on ElfShaming by Kim Bongiorno

The funny thing is that this doesn’t look too scary if you haven’t seen the movie. But if you have seen it? I’m truly sorry for making you piddle your pants and fear your upcoming hotel stay.

Then again, maybe playtime isn’t always as fun as it could be?

The Shining Twins on ElfShaming

Have any other favorite scenes from The Shining? Send them my way. I love them all in the “I will never sleep again” sort of way.

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Peeping Elf

Here’s the thing about elves: they look like innocent felty folk who just want to steal candy canes and bags of mini marshmallows for adorable games of holiday hockey with passing chickadees and chipmunks.

I mean, yeah, of course they love doing that. Who wouldn’t?

But there are other things they love to do.

Other more…sordid things.

And if they can’t do them?

They watch.

Peeping Elf by MomComs on ElfShaming

Another glorious daytime date ruined by a peeping elf.

The pervs.

The irony here is that this elf’s name is Diamond Snowfake. You’d think with a moniker like that he’d be a wee bit more original and classy than this, BUT NO.

(Am I the only one glad we can’t see what he’s doing with his hands?)

Elf photo submitted by Jennifer Scharf of MomComs. Follow her on Twitter.

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