Atticus the Elf On the Run

Sometimes an Elf Shaming doesn’t require much effort.

Atticus the Elf on the Shelf thought he was being clever, slipping into the kitchen when Mama Frugalista was monitoring her son wash his hands again in the middle of their cookie-making project.

When they came back, she noticed the beaters looked a bit cleaner than she expected, but didn’t think much of it.

That is, she didn’t until she heard the moans and Courtesy Flushes from the hall bathroom later that day.

Looks like one little Elf may have learned his lesson the hard way.

Four days of stomach cramps, fever and raging diarrhea from a case of salmonella poisoning will do that to a fella.

I suspect this Elf on the Shelf will stay on higher ground from now on.

Lesson? Learned.

Elf submitted Rebecca of Frugalista Blog
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Never Trust Bored Elves

Some elves don’t understand that trust must be earned.

Domestic Goddess is a lovely and giving person.

All she asked of her Elves was for them to wait patiently in the playroom until it was their time to come out for the holidays.

She trusted them.

*SIGH*

It didn’t go well. Click here to see how her (untrustworthy) Elves spent their leisure time.

I don’t mean to give away any spoilers, but it decidedly does not include doing charitable work or expanding their minds by reading classic literature.

Looks like someone’s going to end up being stored in a locked box after the holidays next time around…

Elf submitted by Underachiever’s Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess
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Johnny is a Bad Apple

Johnny is a complicated Elf.

A man of many tastes.

Some Elves quietly relax while in storage, catching up on rest for 11 months before the hectic 4 weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas arrives. Sleeping, reading, rearranging his quarters in a green and red Rubbermaid bin…this is what Johnny should have been up to.

Not this guy. He’s a frisky one.

One may be tempted to cast judgement and say he was probably sewn naughty.

I tend to think that he was walking a righteous path up until his Naming Day. That was was this Nameless Elf was given the same moniker as a man who brought roadkill to his son’s Preschool pick-up, thinking the wee ones would enjoy the sight of flattened critter carcasses.

When someone’s named after the kind of bad-ass who travels with roadkill, you gotta expect him to experiment sexually and mingle with unsavory characters.

It’s like being bad was his destiny, and he’s just living up to the expectations. How can we possibly blame him for that?

Elf submitted by Allison of MotherhoodWTF?
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Topher Takes the Blame

Topher the Elf’s got a sweet tooth.

I guess if you’re gonna steal someone’s ice cream, Ben & Jerry’s is a good place to start.

I can imagine the scene where Husband is rummaging through the freezer for his pint of Americone Dream, casting blame upon his innocent wife as she’s rounding up her overtired offspring before bed, covered in crumbs and sweat. That girl is too busy to be sneaky. Doesn’t her betrothed know this by now?

Also, if Topher the Elf was simply in need of a dairy fix, he could have just checked Stephanie’s underwear drawer in the bedroom. According to her son, that’s where she keeps delicious things, like cheese.

Then again, we wouldn’t want to encourage any kind of theft now, would we…Topher?

Elf submitted by Stephanie of Binkies and Briefcases
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Sporticus Bangs Brobee

Sporticus the Elf should be ashamed of himself.

I’m watching your hands, Mister Sporticus. Very closely.

Last year he was up to no good in Signs Your Elf on the Shelf is on The Naughty List:
– buying Elf Apps without permission
– stealing prescription painkillers & chasing them down with Wild Turkey
– “losing” socks
– masturbating to Elf Porn
– knockin’ boots with Brobee

www.LetMeStartBySayingBlog.com 2011

Let’s hope he can keep his hands off the hooch and his Manhood away from the Yo Gabba Gabba plushies this holiday season.

The freak.

Elf submitted by Kim of LetMeStartBySayingBlog.com
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