Luke the Elf Just Wants a Moment of Peace

Luke the Elf has been working very hard in the Spidel home.

He doesn’t ask for much. Just for the kids to keeps their hands off him, and maybe a moment of peace?

HAHAHA. Your optimism is adorable, Luke.

So what’s an elf to do when he’s feeling overwhelmed?

Serenity Now Elf on the Shelf by Meredith Spidel for ElfShaming

I’ve heard the phrase “steal a moment” of peace.

I didn’t think Luke would take it literally.

That son of a gun snuck into Meredith’s essential oils stash, stole the doTERRA Serenity Calming Blend, and USED IT ALL UP.

Elf on the Shelf Serenity Now by Meredith Spidel on ElfShaming Meredith Spidel

How is MEREDITH supposed to stay calm now?

For her sake, let’s hope that Luke talks the chubby fella in red into popping a new bottle into her stocking to make up for the thievery, for everyone knows that moms need serenity now way more than elves do during the holiday season.

Elf submitted by The Mom of the Year. Follow Meredith on Twitter!

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I Do Not Think Elves Are Supposed to Do This

There are many things an elf can do in the evenings, such as:

  • Go report the kids’ behavior to Santa
  • Chip in at the toy factory
  • Look for errant pine needles
  • Unplug the exterior Christmas lights
  • Remind the dog he’s being watched, too
  • Do a better job of hiding the gifts in that poorly-tied garbage bag Mom hastily shoved in the closet

What do we see NOT on that list?

i do not think elves are supposed to do this by herd management on elf shaming

How about playing strip poker in Barbie’s Dream House?

Herd-Management ElfShaming Strip Poker

Do these ladies even know that his felty frock doesn’t come off?

SHAME ON YOU, Mr. Elf.

Shame. On. You.

Now get back to work!

Elf submitted by Herd Management. Follow Jessica on Twitter!
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Adventures of Elfie Junkel

Elfie Junkel is quite the overachieving elf.

By that I mean dude is up to no good.

Adventures of Elfie Junkel on elfShaming

He has been caught…

…robbing a piggy bank.

Elf on the Shelf Piggy Bank Heist by Melissa Junkel on ElfShaming

…luging in the living room.

Elf on the Shelf Luge by Melissa Junkel on ElfShaming

…doing science experiments unsupervised. (Does he really think we believe him when he says he’s making snow?)

Elf on the Shelf Science Experiment by Melissa Junkel on ElfShaming

…taking a space mission in the boy’s bedroom to deliver freeze-dried ice cream for breakfast.

Elf on the Shelf Space Mission by Melissa Junkel on ElfShaming

And that’s only the beginning! This little guy is always up to something.

I don’t know how Ma Junkel hasn’t giving him a stern talking-to yet. Maybe because he’s adorable even while doing slightly criminal activity? Hm. Could be. It is hard to be angry when your elf is feeding your kid sweet space treats.

Want to see more of his antics? Visit his Pinterest board.

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Elizabeth is Just a B*tch

Amy’s adorable 7-year-old daughter was tickled pink when she lost a tooth!

Her loving parents cleaned it up and helped her tuck it under her pillow.  That night she dreamed sweet dreams of a glittering Tooth Fairy plucking the enameled gift and replacing it with cash before flying off to whatever magical place they go to at night.

But things didn’t turn out as expected.

elizabeth is just a btch by Amy Mayo on ElfShaming

Elizabeth the Elf knew what was going down–I mean, it is her job, after all–and snuck into the little girl’s bedroom before the last of the fairy dust landed softly on the carpet. Luckily, her task was intercepted by Amy and evidence was taken at the scene:

That Elf is NOT the Tooth Fairy by Amy Mayo on ElfShaming

Elizabeth not only stole the little girl’s Tooth Fairy money, she ALSO nabbed her favorite purple marker to write a note that simply stated, “I’ll take that.”

WHO DOES THIS?

A total bitch. That’s who does it.

Shame on you, Elizabeth. Shame. On. You.

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There is a BIG Difference

Acronyms confuse people.

I admit that I Googled “NSFW” the first time I saw it, and sometimes need to refer to a cheat sheet to understand what people are saying on The Twitter.

But when it comes to MILF vs MELF? I’m not sure how people can not know that these are two VERY different things.

MELF on the shelf vs MILF on the shelf on ElfShaming by Kim Bongiorno

First, the MILF on the Shelf. Usually not an actual elf, often seen in last night’s party dress, or a push-up bra before 3pm. Known to most who see her as a “Mom I’d Like to F…” well, you know how that goes. Almost always wearing mascara. And if she ended up on the shelf? She should probably be ashamed of herself for whatever she did that landed her there.

By NicoleLeighShaw on NickMom, used with permission.
By NicoleLeighShaw on NickMom, used with permission.

On the other hand, we have MELF on the Shelf. Usually discovered in the wee hours of the morning, often seen in last night’s pajamas climbing up onto shelves to put the real Elf on the Shelf in a new spot where the kids can’t reach it. Known to Santa as a “Mom Elf” for doing so much watching of the kids before Christmas. Almost always clutching a cup of coffee. And when you find her on a shelf? You should probably help her down, or at least distract the kids before they catch her moving that damn elf at the last minute again.

MELF on the Shelf by Kim Bongiorno on ElfShaming with ElfOnTheShelf

Sure, I guess a MILF can technically be a MELF–but I bet they don’t look very MILF-like while MELFing.

And I’m pretty sure there are both DILFs and DELFs out there, too. Now that I’d like to see.

While I ponder all this, please take a moment to enjoy some other elftasticness on web, courtesy of NickMom, such as:

The Elf Creepiness Chart – Who’s worse: Clay Aiken or Hermey?

The 6 Weirdest Locations for the Elf on the Shelf – Really? An OVEN??

The Elf on the Shelf 2013 Pop Culture Edition – LOLOLOL

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Peeping Elf

Here’s the thing about elves: they look like innocent felty folk who just want to steal candy canes and bags of mini marshmallows for adorable games of holiday hockey with passing chickadees and chipmunks.

I mean, yeah, of course they love doing that. Who wouldn’t?

But there are other things they love to do.

Other more…sordid things.

And if they can’t do them?

They watch.

Peeping Elf by MomComs on ElfShaming

Another glorious daytime date ruined by a peeping elf.

The pervs.

The irony here is that this elf’s name is Diamond Snowfake. You’d think with a moniker like that he’d be a wee bit more original and classy than this, BUT NO.

(Am I the only one glad we can’t see what he’s doing with his hands?)

Elf photo submitted by Jennifer Scharf of MomComs. Follow her on Twitter.

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Insane in the Elf Brain

Everyone hopes they’ll get The Best Elf Ever each holiday season.

Maybe one with a sweet face and festive, jingly outfit!!!

What’s important to understand is that yes, elves come in all shapes, sizes, and colors…but it doesn’t matter what they look like – or how adorably innocent they appear to be. 

They will always get into trouble.

Insane, but true, facts about elves: 

1. They will always raid the candy and snack cabinet.

Patti InsaneInTheMomBrain Elf got the Candy on ElfShaming

2. They will always try to swim in your marshmallows.

Patti InsaneInTheMomBrain Elf swims in marshmallows on ElfShaming

3. They will always find their way into your liquor cabinet (and sombrero wall hangings).

Patti InsaneInTheMomBrain Elf got into the booze on ElfShaming

4. They will always read your porn on the potty (and probably not flush afterwards).

Patti InsaneInTheMomBrain Elf reads porn on the potty on ElfShaming

5. They will always twerk The Biebs, if given the opportunity. 

Patti InsaneInTheMomBrain Elf twerks Justin Bieber on ElfShaming


So, really: TRUST NONE OF THEM.

Even “The Best Elf Ever” is insane in the elf brain. They just can’t help themselves.

(And you should probably lock up your Biebster at least ’til the New Year.)

Today’s Elf is Patti of Insane in the Mom Brain. She likes to raise money for good causes, like kids with cancer. You can help her do just that right here. I already did!
Follow Patti on her blog and Facebook.
Want to submit an elf? Email it to ElfShaming@Gmail.com

Dobbie’s Back – and He’s Crafting!

Dobbie the Elf is Back on ElfShaming

Dobbie is one of the most (in)famous elves on the internet.

Many call him an inappropriate Elf on the Shelf.

He’s perfectly fine with that.

He happens to live with an artsy crafty family, and took it upon himself to join in on the family fun. You know, help decorate the house. Make it look more festive.

Snowflakes are a lovely addition to any home’s decor. There’s no way a project like this could go wrong. Unless…

Dobbie making snowflakes Elf on the Shelf Idea TheBeardedIris on ElfShaming

Oh, Dobbie. Not again.

Elf submitted by The Bearded Iris. Find it on the Baby Rabies #InappropriateElf contest, as well!

Billy is a Thief & a Narc

Billy the Elf never stops moving.

And no, I don’t mean “moving from shelf to shelf spreading holiday cheer.”

I mean the little bastard won’t stop getting into trouble long enough to capture and cage.

First, he arrived late.

Thanks for breaking the kids’ hearts, Billy.

Then he literally swept Barbie off her feet, installing a zip line in the dining room and rushing her straight to his waterbed in the china cabinet.

Thanks for leaving nail marks in the walls, Billy.

Elf on the Shelf Zip Line with Barbie on ElfShaming via Val Perez

Then he rolled off Barbie and took off on a stolen motorcycle, leaving her with a broken heart. 

Thanks for the tire skid marks on the hardwood floors, Billy.

Elf on the Shelf Motorcycle on ElfShaming via Val Perez

Then he broke into five-year-old Valerie’s bedroom, discovered her secret candy stash, photographed the evidence to get her in trouble, and ate it all.

Thanks for taking your Narc duties a bit too far, Billy.

Elf on the Shelf Candy on ElfShaming via Val Perez

Anyone have a tranquilizer gun we can borrow for a night or two (or fourteen)?

Elf submitted by Val Perez.
Want to submit an elf of your own? Email ElfShaming@Gmail.com.

This Bad Elf Likes Cabernet

All Jessica wanted to do after a long day with the kids and work was sit down with a nice glass of wine.

But two bottles of her favorite Cabernet were missing!

How could that be!?!

A thirsty elf on @ElfShaming via @JessBWatson Elf on the Shelf

Oh, Jingle Flower. Did you think she wouldn’t notice?

You naughty, drunken elf. Back to the North Pole you go!

(You might want to take a few Tylenol with you for the trip, little guy.)

Elf submitted by Jessica Watson of Four Plus an Angel.
Follow her on Facebook, Twitter & Pinterest.
Want to submit an elf of your own? Email ElfShaming@Gmail.com.