She’s No Angel

Alf the Elf is a good Elf during his days at the Hatton House. He does his elfy duties with nary a smirk.

But when the sun sets and After Hours Alf comes alive…it’s a whole different story.

Once the adults of the house are asleep, Alf gets his groove on with Angel the Tree Topper.

Sure, she exudes innocence with her golden locks and blushing countenance – but don’t let that fool you. She dominates their relationship, forcing her filthy ways on the impressionable Alf. He feels dirty obeying her commands, but he likes it. He likes it A LOT.

Alf’s excuse is that their complicated relationship only lasts one month a year, so, really, how can it possibly hurt to embrace the kink while he can?

NurseMommyLaughs on ElfShaming

Elf submitted by Stacey Hatton of NurseMommyLaughs.
Follow her on Facebook or Twitter

Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.
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These Elves Made the Most of Their Last Weekend of Freedom

They knew the end was near.

The Elf End is Near on @ElfShaming

And we’re not talking about the Mayan End-of-the-World thing.

The elves knew that this was the last weekend before Christmas. So they did what they do best.

GOT COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL.

Wayne & Billy went to a cabin in Big Bear with their cousins, partying hard with Barbie and one of those whorish Monster High Dolls.

Elves submitted by Val Perez.
Elves submitted by Val Perez.

But he wasn’t the only one into drugs and booze…

Elf submitted by Melinda F.
Elf submitted by Melinda F.

Blink the Elf surrounded himself with all the Holiday Ladies of the house, talking them into a one-man “celebration.”

Elf submitted by Ryann Cox.
Elf submitted by Ryann Cox.

Henry refused to leave the bar even ONCE to check on the kids.

Elf submitted by Dani Christiano.
Elf submitted by Dani Christiano.

Bob tried to get himself kicked out of the North Pole.

Elf submitted by Jodi.
Elf submitted by Jodi via Facebook.

This guy became a Chippendales dancer.

Elf submitted by Rebecca W via Facebook.
Elf submitted by Rebecca W via Facebook.

Some cracked open their owners’ copy of Fifty Shades of Grey and put it to the test.

Elf submitted by SAHM I Am. Cocktail I Want. via Facebook.
Elf submitted by SAHM I Am. Cocktail I Want. via Facebook.
Gordon the Elf submitted by Jenn.
Gordon the Elf submitted by Jenn.

 There’s many, many, MANNNNNNY more where that came from. 

But at this point? I’m getting downright disgusted at all this debauchery.

Damn elves.

Elf submitted via email & Facebook.
Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

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Hermey Gets a Second Chance

Some elves are happy to be Shamed. They’re a better Elf for it.

Take Hermey, for instance.

He had a pretty big dream, but got sidetracked by some dastardly distractions.

Yet, he has no problem admitting his flaws. He feels that if he digs deeply enough, he’ll find the answers to why he did what he did.

Why he snorted what he snorted. 

Why he landed himself in lock-up.

Here, let’s take a peek into his latest therapy session…

Hooray!

Finally, a Shamed Elf who got the help he needed and now is on the path to becoming the man Elf he deserves to be.

Don’t you just love a happy ending?

Get your own set of Hermey and his friends here:

Elf (and his gang) submitted by Bethany of Bad Parenting Moments
Follow Bethany on Facebook & Twitter.
Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

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Repositioning the Elves

Some Elves shouldn’t be left home alone.

Also? Some Elf Owners shouldn’t be left home alone.

Instead of finishing all those home projects that have been lingering for ages, updating his will, or researching new manscaping devices, Midget Man of Steel got busy reading…

…the Kama Sutra sex position manual.

Then got busy finding his camera.

And gathering up his Elf on the Shelf buddies.

Sure, MidgetManofSteel should be ashamed of his perverse puppetry, but the elves were more than happy to go along with this little game. There was no will to bend, no persuading to do.

The Elves were very excited participants in this sick game of Show & Tell.

Very, very excited participants, the kinky bastards.

Which is why the Shelf Elf Kama Sutra post exists. Go ahead, take a look (if you’re over 18 years old, and a sick freak who likes Elves bending for pleasure).

Just know that if you enjoy it? You should be ashamed, too.

Elf submitted by Midget Man of Steel
Follow MMoS as @moooooog35 on Twitter.
He has a book coming out in January. It’s going to be very funny. For real.

Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

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Be Thankful That Your Elf on the Shelf…

Today is a day to be thankful.

Thankful your Elf on the Shelf didn’t steal the remote and delete all of your DVR settings, only to replace them with 200 hours of Will Farrell in Elf.

Who needs football and parades, when there’s movies on about my kinfolk?

Thankful your Elf on the Shelf hasn’t eaten all the Stove Top Stuffing, forcing you to borrow stale bread from the neighbors to make 3 batches from scratch the morning of Thanksgiving.

Carbo-loaded and drunk on organic chicken stock. What an embarrassment.

Thankful your Elf on the Shelf didn’t introduce himself to your Peaceful Pilgrim & nice Native American friend, only to seduce them into a menage a trois.

It’s fine that you all are getting along nicely…just not THAT nicely.

Photo submitted by EvilJoySpeaks, also on Facebook & Twitter.

Thankful your elf wasn’t overheard offering the Christmas decorations $10 in chocolate coins for a BJ, only to get threatened with cracked nuts. 

Well, at least he’s only mounting a star, and not an angel. That’s…something, right?

Finally, let’s be thankful that many of you don’t have the kind of elf that poops in your cereal, or if you do have a bad elf, that you a place to shame him or her here at ElfShaming.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

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