Jumbo the Elf Angers Mr. Bill

Jumbo has been here before. 

Let’s just say he’s accurately named, shall we? And it gets him into trouble. 

Quite often.

Even his friends can’t trust him anymore. Especially the ones with girlfriends.

Oh No Mr Bill and Elf on the Shelf Shawnisms on ElfShaming

In Jumbo’s defense, at least he’s (kind of) sorry. Maybe?

Elf on the Shelf Not Sorry Jumbo on ElfShaming
Elf submitted by Shawn of Shawnisms.
Follow Shawn on Facebook.
Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Email ElfShaming@Gmail.com.

Read More

Shirley, You Jest!

It seems the Canadians can’t get their elves to behave, either.

I recently received the following letter from an ElfShaming fan:

Dear ElfShaming,

After gambling and pole dancing – she even pretended to be Miley Cyrus on the wrecking ball – Shirley the Elf has reached a new low. I found her stretched out among the empty wine bottles with a mysterious white powder on her nose – along with a note from Rob Ford, the illustrious Mayor of Toronto.

Shirley the Elf on ElfShaming

I have done the responsible thing and sent her to rehab before Santa needs her to report to duty.

Sincerely,
Patti Millar

P.S.
Please pray for me. She’s a bad, bad elf.

*sigh*

I have a feeling the mayor’s “maybe once” stance on crack may apply to Elves, as well.

Elf submitted by Patti Millar
Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.
Follow ElfShaming on FacebookTwitter & Pinterest.

Read More

Natalie & Sneaky: Two Peas in a Pod

Don’t they look just so CUTE together?

Don’t be fooled. 

Natalie has been known to come down with a little Beiber Fever.

Also? Sneaky has a gun. AND HIS NAME IS “SNEAKY.”

An innocent smile often hides unspeakable deeds. Multiply that times two, throw in a gun-wielding fella and his swinging lady friend, and who knows what they’re up to after dark?

I sure as heck don’t want to hear about it. I’d like to keep my innocence.

Elf submitted by Maria Cal, @RiaCal on Twitter
Follow Maria on Instagram.
Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

Read More

One Elf’s Hard Times

Ohhhh Johnny, Johnny, Johnny…

At least you know when you’ve done wrong.

 

His story is a sad one that has the feel of a Charles Dickens tale mixed with grain alcohol and lace panties.

Johnny hated his job. He was caught under the influence one too many times. He fell on hard times, which did nothing to curtail his drinking. 

He did some things he shouldn’t have.

He got caught. There was a BIG scene. His wife found out.

Barbie tossed his ass out of the Dream House. His clothes, his fancy hats, his pride…everything was scattered on the front lawn.

He drank more. He wore her clothes, which he stole from the house when she was out grocery shopping one afternoon. He rarely showed up for work.

Johnny’s days were spent drinking. His nights were spent puking.
This was not the life Santa had hoped for him.

One morning he woke up in Barbie’s satin spangled house frock, reeking of rum and regret, and realized that it was up to him to make his life worth living again. It didn’t take magic to make him a Good Elf, it took courage.

He threw out all the spiked eggnog he had left in his rental apartment, and headed back home to his love, ready to reenact her favorite John Cusak movie scene in an attempt to win her back.

 Will Johnny keep up the cleaned-up act? Will Barbie forgive his drunken, philandering ways? 

Only time will tell. 

Elf submitted by Kate Horey of ThePushUpBlog

Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

Read More

Johnny is a Bad Apple

Johnny is a complicated Elf.

A man of many tastes.

Some Elves quietly relax while in storage, catching up on rest for 11 months before the hectic 4 weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas arrives. Sleeping, reading, rearranging his quarters in a green and red Rubbermaid bin…this is what Johnny should have been up to.

Not this guy. He’s a frisky one.

One may be tempted to cast judgement and say he was probably sewn naughty.

I tend to think that he was walking a righteous path up until his Naming Day. That was was this Nameless Elf was given the same moniker as a man who brought roadkill to his son’s Preschool pick-up, thinking the wee ones would enjoy the sight of flattened critter carcasses.

When someone’s named after the kind of bad-ass who travels with roadkill, you gotta expect him to experiment sexually and mingle with unsavory characters.

It’s like being bad was his destiny, and he’s just living up to the expectations. How can we possibly blame him for that?

Elf submitted by Allison of MotherhoodWTF?
Follow Allison on Facebook & Twitter.
Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

Read More