Luke the Elf Just Wants a Moment of Peace

Luke the Elf has been working very hard in the Spidel home.

He doesn’t ask for much. Just for the kids to keeps their hands off him, and maybe a moment of peace?

HAHAHA. Your optimism is adorable, Luke.

So what’s an elf to do when he’s feeling overwhelmed?

Serenity Now Elf on the Shelf by Meredith Spidel for ElfShaming

I’ve heard the phrase “steal a moment” of peace.

I didn’t think Luke would take it literally.

That son of a gun snuck into Meredith’s essential oils stash, stole the doTERRA Serenity Calming Blend, and USED IT ALL UP.

Elf on the Shelf Serenity Now by Meredith Spidel on ElfShaming Meredith Spidel

How is MEREDITH supposed to stay calm now?

For her sake, let’s hope that Luke talks the chubby fella in red into popping a new bottle into her stocking to make up for the thievery, for everyone knows that moms need serenity now way more than elves do during the holiday season.

Elf submitted by The Mom of the Year. Follow Meredith on Twitter!

Want your elf to be featured on ElfShaming? Here’s how.
Like this? Follow ElfShaming on Facebook and Twitter.
For all the ElfShaming posts and more of what Kim Bongiorno writes, subscribe to her Sunday newsletter.

Read More

Adventures of Elfie Junkel

Elfie Junkel is quite the overachieving elf.

By that I mean dude is up to no good.

Adventures of Elfie Junkel on elfShaming

He has been caught…

…robbing a piggy bank.

Elf on the Shelf Piggy Bank Heist by Melissa Junkel on ElfShaming

…luging in the living room.

Elf on the Shelf Luge by Melissa Junkel on ElfShaming

…doing science experiments unsupervised. (Does he really think we believe him when he says he’s making snow?)

Elf on the Shelf Science Experiment by Melissa Junkel on ElfShaming

…taking a space mission in the boy’s bedroom to deliver freeze-dried ice cream for breakfast.

Elf on the Shelf Space Mission by Melissa Junkel on ElfShaming

And that’s only the beginning! This little guy is always up to something.

I don’t know how Ma Junkel hasn’t giving him a stern talking-to yet. Maybe because he’s adorable even while doing slightly criminal activity? Hm. Could be. It is hard to be angry when your elf is feeding your kid sweet space treats.

Want to see more of his antics? Visit his Pinterest board.

Want your elf to be featured on ElfShaming? Here’s how.
Like this? Follow ElfShaming on Facebook and Twitter.
For all the ElfShaming posts and more of what Kim Bongiorno writes, subscribe to her Sunday newsletter.

Read More

A Coin Toss Frosty Will Never Forget

Have you ever been in a situation that seemed normal at first, but then something in the frostiest recesses of your snowy gut made you realized that this elf might just have a flame thrower or the like he would use on you if the mood struck?

Elf on the Shelf No Country for Old Men Coin Toss Scene on ElfShaming by Kim Bongiorno

I’m guessing our little snowman here feels the same way right about now.

Does this elf remind you a little too much of Anton from No Country for Old Men, or is it just me? The bowl-like haircut, creepy stare, overly-calm demeanor? GET ME OUTTA HERE.

He’s not the only one that’s taking on Anton’s creeptastic behavior. Check out Amy Kalasunas’ story:

Sure, the off season is hard for every elf. Staying out of sight in the sock drawer isn’t much of a life, and even with lightning-fast internet connections, monotony can take its toll. With only Netflix to entertain her, Gertie’s fragile grip on sanity starts to weaken, and the month of June finds her watching only one blood-soaked movie over and over and over…No Country for Old Men.

Spending her days rocking silently back and forth, Gertie clutches her limp legs to her chest, wondering how long she can ignore the voice under her red cap…. ” THE PIG MUST DIE….. THE PIG MUST DIE…..” Clamping thumbless mittens over her ears does no good – the chanting just gets louder…more insistent…

On a blustery November day, the scent of baking turkey finally wafts to the sock drawer. With a rasping creak of cotton, Gertie slowly climbs to her feet, clear with the notion of what she must do.

CRACK!

The time has come. The pig must die.

Amy Kalasunas on ElfShaming No Country for Old Men

No country for old guinea pigs, either, I guess.

Want your elf to be featured on ElfShaming? Here’s how.

Like this? Follow ElfShaming on Facebook and Twitter.
For all the ElfShaming posts and more of what Kim Bongiorno writes, subscribe to her Sunday newsletter.

Read More

He Should Have Asked Permission

There are many, many (HOLY COW SO MANY) movie scenes in existence that are dark, disturbing, and unbelievably violent.

But, honestly, is anything more cruel than telling someone you’re going to don an imaginary straw from across the room to consume their delicious, frosty treat?

I SAY NOPE.

Elf on the Shelf There Will Be Blood on ElfShaming by Kim Bongiorno

 

(Cue the creepy, sadistic, dark, finger-pointing psychological terror.)

Elf on the Shelf I Drink Your Milkshake from There Will Be Blood on ElfShaming by Kim Bongiorno

Milkshakes are not to be messed with, sir. That’s just downright naughty.

Speaking of naughty elves, many a moon ago I was at the theater to see There Will Be Blood with a friend. At one point something caught our eye: there was a middle-aged couple totally making out a few rows ahead of us. I guess dark psychological films about terrible human beings are a turn-on to come folk?

I wonder whether they made The Naughty List that year. Hm.

I’m gonna go with “probably.”

Like this? Follow ElfShaming on Facebook and Twitter.
For all the ElfShaming posts and more of what Kim Bongiorno writes, subscribe to her Sunday newsletter.

Read More

Mistletoe Takes Revenge

Anne thought it would be nice to start a new tradition with her two young boys, so she decided to introduce an Elf into the holiday season.

Being that she loves all things vintage – and it is, in fact, her job to find beautiful old things with charm and style – she went with an old school wooden ornament Elf.

How quaint!

Mistletoe the Elf delighted her children, and left notes for them each day. She was even a little lenient on the “no touching the Elf” rule when her boys wanted to take Mistletoe on a short joy ride around the kitchen on one of their toy trucks.

The following day, Mistletoe’s note mentioned that he enjoyed his ride on the truck. Next thing you know, BOOM.

Mistletoe the Elf leaves a note on ElfShaming

One of her sons takes Mistletoe on another joy ride, and it doesn’t end well at all.

REENACTMENT:

Mistletoe Loses an Arm on ElfShaming

Anne jumped right in, rigging a sling for Mistletoe’s now-amputated arm until the boys went to school. Then she fixed him as quickly as she could with hot glue and a prayer.

Mistletoe the Elf on ElfShaming via SplendidJunk

This time, Mistletoe’s note had a P.S. on the back of it, requesting the play time be slightly less dangerous.

But that wasn’t enough. Oh, no.

Mistletoe waited until the family was fast asleep, slipped into Anne’s very special cabinet full of delicate vintage items she had carefully curated from estate sales and cleaned up into near-perfect condition, and with his newly refurbished arm BUSTED. IT. UP. YO.

Mistletoe Takes Revenge on ElfShaming

I guess it’s true what they say: revenge is a dish best served…broken.

Today’s Elf is from Anne of Splendid Junk Vintage
Follow her on Facebook & Etsy.
Want to submit an Elf? Email ElfShaming@Gmail.com.

Read More