Insane in the Elf Brain

Everyone hopes they’ll get The Best Elf Ever each holiday season.

Maybe one with a sweet face and festive, jingly outfit!!!

What’s important to understand is that yes, elves come in all shapes, sizes, and colors…but it doesn’t matter what they look like – or how adorably innocent they appear to be. 

They will always get into trouble.

Insane, but true, facts about elves: 

1. They will always raid the candy and snack cabinet.

Patti InsaneInTheMomBrain Elf got the Candy on ElfShaming

2. They will always try to swim in your marshmallows.

Patti InsaneInTheMomBrain Elf swims in marshmallows on ElfShaming

3. They will always find their way into your liquor cabinet (and sombrero wall hangings).

Patti InsaneInTheMomBrain Elf got into the booze on ElfShaming

4. They will always read your porn on the potty (and probably not flush afterwards).

Patti InsaneInTheMomBrain Elf reads porn on the potty on ElfShaming

5. They will always twerk The Biebs, if given the opportunity. 

Patti InsaneInTheMomBrain Elf twerks Justin Bieber on ElfShaming


So, really: TRUST NONE OF THEM.

Even “The Best Elf Ever” is insane in the elf brain. They just can’t help themselves.

(And you should probably lock up your Biebster at least ’til the New Year.)

Today’s Elf is Patti of Insane in the Mom Brain. She likes to raise money for good causes, like kids with cancer. You can help her do just that right here. I already did!
Follow Patti on her blog and Facebook.
Want to submit an elf? Email it to ElfShaming@Gmail.com

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Dobbie Gives a Shit

Dobbie was the first Elf on the Shelf to kind of scare the bejeezus outta me.

I mean, he drank a lot and carried big knives when I first “met” him online last year. Reason enough, right?

He caught a bit of flack for his escapades from his host mom Leslie, of TheBeardedIris. She hid the knives. She reminded him of his duties as an official Elf on the Shelf.

She cried “Don’t you even give a shit, Dobbie?”

Not long after her plea, she discovered him doing just that. 

Of COURSE I give a shit. See?
I’ve been stinking up the joint for hours now.

Enough was enough!

Leslie put her foot down then and there: No more peeing his name in the faux snow, no more dirty Scrabble games with animals, and no more foul language.

Dobbie reluctantly agreed, drifting off to a corner shelf bedazzled with Christmas spirit, leaving a trail of magical sparkles in his wake.

A full 24 hours went by without incident. Dobbie did his job. Nothing more. Nothing less.

It was a Christmas Miracle! After over a decade of parenting, someone Leslie asked to behave actually did – WOO HOOOO!!!

She went to the fridge to assemble a celebratory cake, when that undersized imp appeared like a vision of assholery.

 Exactly. 

Well then. Maybe he’s not quite the good listener after all. 

I guess it’s back to a December spent hiding the booze and knives…

Elf submitted by Leslie of TheBeardedIris.com.
Her 1st Dobbie post ignited my love of naughty elves. 

Follow Leslie on FacebookTwitter & Pinterest.
Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

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Hanukah Helpers Can Be Naughty, Too

This Hanukah Helper isn’t all that helpful.

Ilana recently had her 2nd kid in less than 3 years. This lady could use an extra pair of hands around the house during the holiday season.

Abraham the Hanukah Helper arrived in good spirits and a fuzzy blue jumpsuit.

On the first night of Hanukah, Ilana and her newly-expanded family began their celebration with a special blessing and candle-lighting, trusting that Abraham was taking care of things in the kitchen.

He wasn’t. 

 This did not go over well.

Furious at his prank, but still desperate for back-up, Ilana sent Abraham to get the gelt for little Mazzy. Can’t get that wrong…right?

Mazzy was thrilled to see the bag of coins, because she knew that beneath the gold wrappers was delicious chocolate candy.

Or was it?

Later that evening, just when Ilana finally got the baby to sleep and was ready to tuck in for the night herself,  pint-sized footsteps bolting towards the toilet told her something was amiss. It didn’t take long for her to suss out the truth about her horrible Hanukah Helper.  

 Abraham confessed to his crimes of pork and pooping, and was sentenced to spending the other 7 nights of Hanukah doing all of the middle-of-the-night feedings of the newborn. This punishment of diaper duty in the dark and a week without sleep should straighten him right out. Hopefully.

Elf Hanukah Helper submitted by Ilana of MommyShorts.
See more of Abraham’s antics here
Follow Ilana on FacebookTwitter, & Instagram.
Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

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Atticus the Elf On the Run

Sometimes an Elf Shaming doesn’t require much effort.

Atticus the Elf on the Shelf thought he was being clever, slipping into the kitchen when Mama Frugalista was monitoring her son wash his hands again in the middle of their cookie-making project.

When they came back, she noticed the beaters looked a bit cleaner than she expected, but didn’t think much of it.

That is, she didn’t until she heard the moans and Courtesy Flushes from the hall bathroom later that day.

Looks like one little Elf may have learned his lesson the hard way.

Four days of stomach cramps, fever and raging diarrhea from a case of salmonella poisoning will do that to a fella.

I suspect this Elf on the Shelf will stay on higher ground from now on.

Lesson? Learned.

Elf submitted Rebecca of Frugalista Blog
Follow Rebecca on Facebook & Twitter.
Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

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That’s NOT the Bathroom

I’m feeling a bit queasy this morning.

All I wanted was my usual bowl of Raisin Bran for breakfast. 

I sleepily stumbled into the kitchen, swung open the cabinet and found Sporticus the Elf reading the paper and using my box of cereal for…. *barfs in mouth*

Was I chewing Raisins or Elf Poo all week? I’ll never know.

What I do know, is that the child locks have been reinstalled on all cabinets, and I no longer eat my favorite kind of cereal.

Breakfast? Ruined.

Elf submitted by Kim of LetMeStartBySayingBlog.com
Follow Kim on Facebook, TwitterPinterest & Google+.
Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

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