Revenge is a Dish Served Cold Turkey

Thanksgiving was last week. Wasn’t it delicious?

I thought so!

But Elizabeth wouldn’t know.

Because Elizabeth wasn’t invited to the family feast in her home.

How well did she take the snub?

Thanksgiving Revenge on ElfShaming by Amy Mayo

Um.

Errr.

You could say “not well.”

Thanksgiving Revenge by Amy Mayo on ElfShaming

Note to self: do not piss off Elizabeth the Elf.

If you do so, she will quietly rip the heads off all the turkeys in the house and litter your kitchen with feathers of revenge.

It. Ain’t. Pretty.

See you next Thanksgiving, Elizabeth!

I PINKY PROMISE YOU WILL BE INVITED.

(Because you are one creepy little f*cker.)

Elf submitted by Amy Effing Mayo.
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Mistletoe Takes Revenge

Anne thought it would be nice to start a new tradition with her two young boys, so she decided to introduce an Elf into the holiday season.

Being that she loves all things vintage – and it is, in fact, her job to find beautiful old things with charm and style – she went with an old school wooden ornament Elf.

How quaint!

Mistletoe the Elf delighted her children, and left notes for them each day. She was even a little lenient on the “no touching the Elf” rule when her boys wanted to take Mistletoe on a short joy ride around the kitchen on one of their toy trucks.

The following day, Mistletoe’s note mentioned that he enjoyed his ride on the truck. Next thing you know, BOOM.

Mistletoe the Elf leaves a note on ElfShaming

One of her sons takes Mistletoe on another joy ride, and it doesn’t end well at all.

REENACTMENT:

Mistletoe Loses an Arm on ElfShaming

Anne jumped right in, rigging a sling for Mistletoe’s now-amputated arm until the boys went to school. Then she fixed him as quickly as she could with hot glue and a prayer.

Mistletoe the Elf on ElfShaming via SplendidJunk

This time, Mistletoe’s note had a P.S. on the back of it, requesting the play time be slightly less dangerous.

But that wasn’t enough. Oh, no.

Mistletoe waited until the family was fast asleep, slipped into Anne’s very special cabinet full of delicate vintage items she had carefully curated from estate sales and cleaned up into near-perfect condition, and with his newly refurbished arm BUSTED. IT. UP. YO.

Mistletoe Takes Revenge on ElfShaming

I guess it’s true what they say: revenge is a dish best served…broken.

Today’s Elf is from Anne of Splendid Junk Vintage
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Kirby the Elf Hates Coco the Kitty

Kirby the Elf on the Shelf isn’t exactly an animal lover.

Not that I blame him. 

Each night, Michele would put him in a new spot for her kids to discover the next day.

What she found instead, was evidence of Coco the Kitty gone wild.

Morning after morning, Michele would find Kirby on the floor, protecting his Elf Bits with his hands, hoping the evening of feline torture was over.

So it wasn’t a surprise when she eventually came across a very different kind of scene in her kitchen during feeding time.

No, it isn’t quite considered “The Holiday Spirit” to attempt to murder your furry tormentor with poison, but when an Elf is backed into a corner?

All bets are off.

Elf submitted by reader Michele.
Coco the Kitty wasn’t really poisoned.
Kirby the Elf is on probation anyway.

Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

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