This Elf on the Shelf is Annoying

Skippy’s smile doesn’t hide a damn thing.

@turbokicknj on @elfshaming #elfontheshelf

Mary Ann’s Elf on the Shelf, Skippy, is annoying. Plain and simple.

Does he encourage the kids to clean up? Not at all. In fact, he encourages them to throw expensive 2-ply TP all over the house!

@turbokicknj on @elfshaming Toilet Paper

Does he help with the decorating? Not a chance. He’s too busy hiding the stockings and replacing them with underpants to assist in hanging the lights on the tree!

@turbokicknj on @elfshaming Skippy Underwear

Is he a good role model? Are you kiddin’ me? He doesn’t exercise, he eats marshmallow kebabs for breakfast!

@turbokicknj on @elfshaming marshmallows

Does he make her morning easier? No way, no how, no sir. Unless you think packing the kids’ lunch boxes with dog food, raw unwashed potatos, and jars of coriander trims tasks off Mary Ann’s To Do List!

@turbokicknj on @elfshaming

At least Skippy’s visit will be over soon. Just not soon enough. 

Elf submitted by Mary Ann of TurboKickNJ.com.
Follow Mary Ann on Facebook & Twitter.
Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

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An Elf on the Shelf Party…and the Aftermath

Some people love the Elf on the Shelf.

Then Holy Christmas Pudding on a Poppyseed Cracker do other people LOVE the Elf on the Shelf with the deep burning passion of a thousand crackling fireplaces.

Audrey is one of the latter. She has many elves.

Many, many, many elves.

I’ve been getting to know her elves pretty well. Let’s call it “Elvestigative Reporting”, shall we?

Oh yes, we shall.

Anyway.

Did you know that some Elves like to party? Audrey’s elves do. And they make it look sooooooooo cuuuuuuuute.

 

OMG I TOTALLY WANT TO BE AN ELF RIGHT NOW.

Tiny Elf Cake Pops?

Itty Bitty Elf Oven Mitts for baking Teenie Weenie Elf Cookies?

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

[passes out from cuteness]

[wakes up with glitter sprinkled on my shirt to the distinct odor of candy canes]

Okay. Where was I?

Oh yeah: Audrey’s Elves are frickin’ adorable to the max.

BUT…

(there’s always a “but” around here)

…even the adorable ones can be trouble.

You see, since I was spending so much time with this festive felty gang, they got used to my being around. Sure, I’m over five feet taller than them, but it was like I was one of them.

They got comfortable. Let me see the other side of them.

The frisky side.

An Elf party starts innocently enough. How it ends is a whole different story.

Once Audrey turns her back on the red & white-clad gang to tuck her kids in for the night, their real personalities come out swinging. Literally.

The sun sets, and they break out the T.P.

Not even the baby is safe from their rowdy wrath.

Nary a cookie or cupcake in the house is off-limits.

And you know what you can’t stop from happening once Mack and Miss Bliss get revved up on a sugar high, right?

A major snogging session. No mistletoe required.

I think that’s enough evidence to prove my point that no Elf, no matter how adorable or innocent-looking, is truly never a troublemaker. 

So before yours packs up to go back to the North Pole on Christmas Eve, you might want to check his bags, okay?

You just never know what those sneaky sons-of-guns may have slipped in there.

Elves submitted by Audrey of Sweet Cheeks Tasty Treats.
She has loads of Elf Awesomeness HERE & HERE.
Follow Audrey on Facebook.
Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

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Shelley the Elf’s Bait-and-Switch

Everyone thinks Shelley is The Best. Elf. EVER.

But…

Sure, Tammy’s kids squealed with delight upon finding a gift from Shelley the good-natured Elf not long ago.

Celebrations were in order: The Elf on the Shelf was doing her job! The kids were being good! All was well and merry!

Tammy and her family were so pleased to have such a generous Elf on their hands. I mean, it’s not just any Elf that would be so generous as to get on Pinterest late at night for a recipe to create homemade snowman cookies, right?
That takes a kind, sweet, giving sort of Elf.

Hold on.

Speaking of giving…Who gave you the OK to eat those, Shelley??

Those aren’t for you! They were hidden in Mommy’s Secret High Cabinet for when the kids are asleep.

Bad elf! Don’t do that again!

[20 minutes later]

Oh, so you think you’re funny now? Stealing the kids’ favorite snack and pretending to fish with it?

Wasting all that food, just to pull a prank?

Not funny, Miss Elf. Not funny at all.

Now get your itty bitty felty booty back in the kitchen and bake up some more goodies to make up for this greedy gluttony, or I’m telling Santa. 

Elf submitted by Tammy.
Follow Tammy on Facebook.
Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

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Dobbie Gives a Shit

Dobbie was the first Elf on the Shelf to kind of scare the bejeezus outta me.

I mean, he drank a lot and carried big knives when I first “met” him online last year. Reason enough, right?

He caught a bit of flack for his escapades from his host mom Leslie, of TheBeardedIris. She hid the knives. She reminded him of his duties as an official Elf on the Shelf.

She cried “Don’t you even give a shit, Dobbie?”

Not long after her plea, she discovered him doing just that. 

Of COURSE I give a shit. See?
I’ve been stinking up the joint for hours now.

Enough was enough!

Leslie put her foot down then and there: No more peeing his name in the faux snow, no more dirty Scrabble games with animals, and no more foul language.

Dobbie reluctantly agreed, drifting off to a corner shelf bedazzled with Christmas spirit, leaving a trail of magical sparkles in his wake.

A full 24 hours went by without incident. Dobbie did his job. Nothing more. Nothing less.

It was a Christmas Miracle! After over a decade of parenting, someone Leslie asked to behave actually did – WOO HOOOO!!!

She went to the fridge to assemble a celebratory cake, when that undersized imp appeared like a vision of assholery.

 Exactly. 

Well then. Maybe he’s not quite the good listener after all. 

I guess it’s back to a December spent hiding the booze and knives…

Elf submitted by Leslie of TheBeardedIris.com.
Her 1st Dobbie post ignited my love of naughty elves. 

Follow Leslie on FacebookTwitter & Pinterest.
Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

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Hanukah Helpers Can Be Naughty, Too

This Hanukah Helper isn’t all that helpful.

Ilana recently had her 2nd kid in less than 3 years. This lady could use an extra pair of hands around the house during the holiday season.

Abraham the Hanukah Helper arrived in good spirits and a fuzzy blue jumpsuit.

On the first night of Hanukah, Ilana and her newly-expanded family began their celebration with a special blessing and candle-lighting, trusting that Abraham was taking care of things in the kitchen.

He wasn’t. 

 This did not go over well.

Furious at his prank, but still desperate for back-up, Ilana sent Abraham to get the gelt for little Mazzy. Can’t get that wrong…right?

Mazzy was thrilled to see the bag of coins, because she knew that beneath the gold wrappers was delicious chocolate candy.

Or was it?

Later that evening, just when Ilana finally got the baby to sleep and was ready to tuck in for the night herself,  pint-sized footsteps bolting towards the toilet told her something was amiss. It didn’t take long for her to suss out the truth about her horrible Hanukah Helper.  

 Abraham confessed to his crimes of pork and pooping, and was sentenced to spending the other 7 nights of Hanukah doing all of the middle-of-the-night feedings of the newborn. This punishment of diaper duty in the dark and a week without sleep should straighten him right out. Hopefully.

Elf Hanukah Helper submitted by Ilana of MommyShorts.
See more of Abraham’s antics here
Follow Ilana on FacebookTwitter, & Instagram.
Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

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