Three Strikes & You’re Out, Scout!

Scout doesn’t follow the rules. 

Elf Arrested on @ElfShaming by Rachel B

He was told there was to be no writing on the walls.

He didn’t listen.

Elf Graffiti on @ElfShaming by Rachel B

He was told there was to be no stealing nail polish, and definitely no painting people’s toenails as they slept. Especially boys.

He didn’t listen.

Elf Pedicure on @ElfShaming by Rachel B

When he was told no ice sculptures in the freezer, he didn’t listen, and so qualified for the Three Strikes Rule. Which, of course, landed him in lock-up.

Elf MugShot on @ElfShaming by RachelB

I doubt Santa will send Scout out again next year, considering he now has a rap sheet.

Way to ruin a perfectly good Elfing career, Scout.

Elf submitted by Rachel B of Roscoe, IL.
Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

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An Elf on the Shelf Party…and the Aftermath

Some people love the Elf on the Shelf.

Then Holy Christmas Pudding on a Poppyseed Cracker do other people LOVE the Elf on the Shelf with the deep burning passion of a thousand crackling fireplaces.

Audrey is one of the latter. She has many elves.

Many, many, many elves.

I’ve been getting to know her elves pretty well. Let’s call it “Elvestigative Reporting”, shall we?

Oh yes, we shall.

Anyway.

Did you know that some Elves like to party? Audrey’s elves do. And they make it look sooooooooo cuuuuuuuute.

 

OMG I TOTALLY WANT TO BE AN ELF RIGHT NOW.

Tiny Elf Cake Pops?

Itty Bitty Elf Oven Mitts for baking Teenie Weenie Elf Cookies?

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

[passes out from cuteness]

[wakes up with glitter sprinkled on my shirt to the distinct odor of candy canes]

Okay. Where was I?

Oh yeah: Audrey’s Elves are frickin’ adorable to the max.

BUT…

(there’s always a “but” around here)

…even the adorable ones can be trouble.

You see, since I was spending so much time with this festive felty gang, they got used to my being around. Sure, I’m over five feet taller than them, but it was like I was one of them.

They got comfortable. Let me see the other side of them.

The frisky side.

An Elf party starts innocently enough. How it ends is a whole different story.

Once Audrey turns her back on the red & white-clad gang to tuck her kids in for the night, their real personalities come out swinging. Literally.

The sun sets, and they break out the T.P.

Not even the baby is safe from their rowdy wrath.

Nary a cookie or cupcake in the house is off-limits.

And you know what you can’t stop from happening once Mack and Miss Bliss get revved up on a sugar high, right?

A major snogging session. No mistletoe required.

I think that’s enough evidence to prove my point that no Elf, no matter how adorable or innocent-looking, is truly never a troublemaker. 

So before yours packs up to go back to the North Pole on Christmas Eve, you might want to check his bags, okay?

You just never know what those sneaky sons-of-guns may have slipped in there.

Elves submitted by Audrey of Sweet Cheeks Tasty Treats.
She has loads of Elf Awesomeness HERE & HERE.
Follow Audrey on Facebook.
Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

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Natalie & Sneaky: Two Peas in a Pod

Don’t they look just so CUTE together?

Don’t be fooled. 

Natalie has been known to come down with a little Beiber Fever.

Also? Sneaky has a gun. AND HIS NAME IS “SNEAKY.”

An innocent smile often hides unspeakable deeds. Multiply that times two, throw in a gun-wielding fella and his swinging lady friend, and who knows what they’re up to after dark?

I sure as heck don’t want to hear about it. I’d like to keep my innocence.

Elf submitted by Maria Cal, @RiaCal on Twitter
Follow Maria on Instagram.
Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

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Be Thankful That Your Elf on the Shelf…

Today is a day to be thankful.

Thankful your Elf on the Shelf didn’t steal the remote and delete all of your DVR settings, only to replace them with 200 hours of Will Farrell in Elf.

Who needs football and parades, when there’s movies on about my kinfolk?

Thankful your Elf on the Shelf hasn’t eaten all the Stove Top Stuffing, forcing you to borrow stale bread from the neighbors to make 3 batches from scratch the morning of Thanksgiving.

Carbo-loaded and drunk on organic chicken stock. What an embarrassment.

Thankful your Elf on the Shelf didn’t introduce himself to your Peaceful Pilgrim & nice Native American friend, only to seduce them into a menage a trois.

It’s fine that you all are getting along nicely…just not THAT nicely.

Photo submitted by EvilJoySpeaks, also on Facebook & Twitter.

Thankful your elf wasn’t overheard offering the Christmas decorations $10 in chocolate coins for a BJ, only to get threatened with cracked nuts. 

Well, at least he’s only mounting a star, and not an angel. That’s…something, right?

Finally, let’s be thankful that many of you don’t have the kind of elf that poops in your cereal, or if you do have a bad elf, that you a place to shame him or her here at ElfShaming.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

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Topher Takes the Blame

Topher the Elf’s got a sweet tooth.

I guess if you’re gonna steal someone’s ice cream, Ben & Jerry’s is a good place to start.

I can imagine the scene where Husband is rummaging through the freezer for his pint of Americone Dream, casting blame upon his innocent wife as she’s rounding up her overtired offspring before bed, covered in crumbs and sweat. That girl is too busy to be sneaky. Doesn’t her betrothed know this by now?

Also, if Topher the Elf was simply in need of a dairy fix, he could have just checked Stephanie’s underwear drawer in the bedroom. According to her son, that’s where she keeps delicious things, like cheese.

Then again, we wouldn’t want to encourage any kind of theft now, would we…Topher?

Elf submitted by Stephanie of Binkies and Briefcases
Follow Stephanie on Facebook & Twitter.
Have an Elf you’d like to submit? Find out how HERE.

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