Luke the Elf Just Wants a Moment of Peace

Luke the Elf has been working very hard in the Spidel home.

He doesn’t ask for much. Just for the kids to keeps their hands off him, and maybe a moment of peace?

HAHAHA. Your optimism is adorable, Luke.

So what’s an elf to do when he’s feeling overwhelmed?

Serenity Now Elf on the Shelf by Meredith Spidel for ElfShaming

I’ve heard the phrase “steal a moment” of peace.

I didn’t think Luke would take it literally.

That son of a gun snuck into Meredith’s essential oils stash, stole the doTERRA Serenity Calming Blend, and USED IT ALL UP.

Elf on the Shelf Serenity Now by Meredith Spidel on ElfShaming Meredith Spidel

How is MEREDITH supposed to stay calm now?

For her sake, let’s hope that Luke talks the chubby fella in red into popping a new bottle into her stocking to make up for the thievery, for everyone knows that moms need serenity now way more than elves do during the holiday season.

Elf submitted by The Mom of the Year. Follow Meredith on Twitter!

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Adventures of Elfie Junkel

Elfie Junkel is quite the overachieving elf.

By that I mean dude is up to no good.

Adventures of Elfie Junkel on elfShaming

He has been caught…

…robbing a piggy bank.

Elf on the Shelf Piggy Bank Heist by Melissa Junkel on ElfShaming

…luging in the living room.

Elf on the Shelf Luge by Melissa Junkel on ElfShaming

…doing science experiments unsupervised. (Does he really think we believe him when he says he’s making snow?)

Elf on the Shelf Science Experiment by Melissa Junkel on ElfShaming

…taking a space mission in the boy’s bedroom to deliver freeze-dried ice cream for breakfast.

Elf on the Shelf Space Mission by Melissa Junkel on ElfShaming

And that’s only the beginning! This little guy is always up to something.

I don’t know how Ma Junkel hasn’t giving him a stern talking-to yet. Maybe because he’s adorable even while doing slightly criminal activity? Hm. Could be. It is hard to be angry when your elf is feeding your kid sweet space treats.

Want to see more of his antics? Visit his Pinterest board.

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He Knows Too Much

I have a naughty little elf of another sort visiting me today, while I round up the tiny felty ones who seem to have scattered around here…somewhere. Enjoy!


He Knows too Much by Peyton Price on ElfShaming

by Peyton Price

I’m pretty much shameless about Christmas. I put lights on all four sides of the house the day after Thanksgiving and set a timer to keep them on from 4:30 pm to 11:30 pm every night. I march my family back and forth across acres of trees to find the perfect 12-footer, then cover it with so many decorations you’d never even know it was a real tree. I send paper cards with real handwriting on the card and the envelope. I’m a regular Cindy Lou Who.

So, it might surprise you to hear there are some Christmas moments I’m not proud of. Ones I want to deny ever happened. The trouble is, there’s a witness to these events. A tiny witness who knows too much. He knows about me:

  • Screaming at the kids to “Stay out of the @#$%^& Christmas cookies, for %^&* sake!”
  • Fast forwarding through those two weird songs in the middle of White Christmas.
  • Wrapping up a pair of vases because I broke the third one and don’t have time for this shizz.
  • Hanging my husband’s favorite ornament on the back of the tree, at shin level.
  • Doing what I did to that box of Godiva chocolates, aka seven minutes in heaven.
  • Saying “WHOA” at photo card pubescents.
  • Plucking a dog hair out of the cookie dough.
  • Uttering all seven dirty words that year I bought the cheapo foil wrapping paper.
  • Telling the postal worker there were no liquids in that package of maple syrup.
  • Making everyone wait to open presents until my face is mattified.

Now that I see this naughty list, I realize I can’t take the risk he’ll rat me out to the big man. So I guess this means it’s Christmas curtains for you-know-who. Mum’s the word.


Peyton Price is the author of Suburban Haiku: Poetic Dispatches from Behind the Picket Fence. You can find her spreading good cheer (or in the closet weeping) and at suburbanhaiku.com.

Her little hardcover book makes the perfect holiday or hostess gift for everyone on your list. See my review of it on Amazon, or click on the image below to learn more:

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Insane in the Elf Brain

Everyone hopes they’ll get The Best Elf Ever each holiday season.

Maybe one with a sweet face and festive, jingly outfit!!!

What’s important to understand is that yes, elves come in all shapes, sizes, and colors…but it doesn’t matter what they look like – or how adorably innocent they appear to be. 

They will always get into trouble.

Insane, but true, facts about elves: 

1. They will always raid the candy and snack cabinet.

Patti InsaneInTheMomBrain Elf got the Candy on ElfShaming

2. They will always try to swim in your marshmallows.

Patti InsaneInTheMomBrain Elf swims in marshmallows on ElfShaming

3. They will always find their way into your liquor cabinet (and sombrero wall hangings).

Patti InsaneInTheMomBrain Elf got into the booze on ElfShaming

4. They will always read your porn on the potty (and probably not flush afterwards).

Patti InsaneInTheMomBrain Elf reads porn on the potty on ElfShaming

5. They will always twerk The Biebs, if given the opportunity. 

Patti InsaneInTheMomBrain Elf twerks Justin Bieber on ElfShaming


So, really: TRUST NONE OF THEM.

Even “The Best Elf Ever” is insane in the elf brain. They just can’t help themselves.

(And you should probably lock up your Biebster at least ’til the New Year.)

Today’s Elf is Patti of Insane in the Mom Brain. She likes to raise money for good causes, like kids with cancer. You can help her do just that right here. I already did!
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The Elf on the Shelf that Ate the Shelf

Nicole Leigh Shaw had a wonderful time building a gingerbread house town with her four young kids.

They bonded!

They ate gumdrops!

Almost no one got a Time Out for hitting!

Hooray!

To celebrate their masterpiece, Nicole took the family out for hot cocoa. Mmm….cocoa…They entrusted their confection concoction to be watched by their trusty elf, Blinky.

Uh-oh. Blinky looks a bit peckish.

The Hungry Elf on ElfShaming via NicoleLeighShaw

Unfortunately, Blinky has no opposable thumbs with which to open the snack cabinet.

And he was hungry.

The Hungry Elf is not sorry on ElfShaming via NicoleLeighShaw

Very hungry.

The Elf on the Shelf is Eating the Shelf on ElfShaming via NicoleLeighShaw

By the time Nicole and her brood made it back, the damage was done.

Elf on the Shelf Aftermath on ElfShaming via NicoleLeighShaw

He didn’t just eat a gingerbread house, he ate an entire town

Blinky’s sugar high was too intense to allow him to apologize. He just sat there atop masticated rooftops and the leftover crumbs of window panes with a glazed look in his eyes and a full belly.

Maybe tomorrow when he poops out all the holiday spirit, he’ll realize the terrible thing he’s done.

Then again? Maybe not.

Elf submitted by writer/blogger extraordinaire, Nicole Leigh Shaw.
Follow her on Facebook, Twitter & Pinterest.

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