Gertie is a weak Elf on the Shelf.
A well-meaning aunt brought Gertie the Elf to the Kalasunas home, thinking she would incite innocent joy to the hearts of everyone there.
Little did she know, that home was teeming with the heat of Finney the Evilly Seductive Guinea Pig.
Santa’s orders were for Gertie to spread holiday magic.
That’s not exactly what she spread.
Mama Kalasunas heard the tell-tale 70s porno music and knew there was trouble. She searched everywhere for Gertie, but it was too late.
Finney liked it so he put his little pig in it.
Then Gertie tossed her hair like Beyonce and went back for more the next night. And the night after that. Then the night after that.
Oh, Gertie. We expected so much more out of you then to become some furry fiend’s booty call. Santa is not going to be happy when he hears about this.
Elf submitted by Amy Kalasunas, via Facebook.
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