Witness Protection Program for Elves

[Name Witheld] Has Some ‘Splaining to Do.

“I’ve done so many shameful things, I’ve had plastic surgery and entered the Witness Protection Program to hide from my shame.”

When I receive a photo of an Elf who has had to go so far underground that I’m not even allowed to know his (her?) name, I shudder to think about what he’s (she’s?) done.

Usually when people try to start anew, they dye their hair and get a nose job. This fella (lady??) seems to have completely changed species. That can’t be good.

Not only is it not good, I can’t even tell what this critter is supposed to be now. A Wookie of the North Pole? A Scottish Moose? Bullwinkle’s Excessively Hirsute Cousin?

Let’s agree that sometimes it’s better not to know the finer details of what an Elf is ashamed of doing, then move quickly away, to avoid being associated with such an unscrupulous character. 

Elf submitted by The Suniverse
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8 Responses to Witness Protection Program for Elves

  1. Christine says:

    Do they have therapy in the witness protection program? They must, right? I hope so. This “elf” is going to need it.

  2. joy2wrld says:

    Maybe he/she/it can go in hiding with Regions…..our naughty elf….

  3. thesuniverse says:

    Thanks so much for letting me be here. I’ve really enjoyed [redacted].

  4. mrsmerkin says:

    Antler implants? Really? Isn’t that a bit over the top?

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